Need advice

[siruspoolzx]

So after about 2 months and 15,000 I am at a loss. Crack has been the worst time of my life. I have reached out to an ex, and family. I feel like they can't support me how I need.
What's made me question everything has not been the money, nor the addiction. It's Been now that every time I use it I get psychosis.
I got involved with the wrong crowd and don't want this to affect my life regarding that.
I guess a little bit of the addiction. Can go five days without it, but seem to cave every time.
I have an amazing paying job, they offer resources. Also an amazing medical system, they aswell can help.
My issues.
I have a real medical issue and got off of oxy, but don't want that to ever be taken away *permanently*.
I have worked as a nurse in our medical system, and drug users unfortuantly do get labeled for life. They also get cut off of any supports (hard medication) due to previous addiction.
My work is now completely different, and they offer short term, also 8 week program at a center. I just don't know if I'm strong enough to go through with it. As it's 24 hours monitoring and random drug tests after completing it.
I was thinking of going through the counselling/ psychiatric therapy.
Still get on short term, but not being labeled for life. Aswell as getting rhe support to get through this.
I have had an opiod addiction, gambling, cocaine regarding lines, and finally now the worst and my hardest one smoking cocaine.
My family has now been involved in one of my states, my ex (narcissist). It just feels like I let too much out. Need a solution or what you would feel I should do.

 

[elgoucho9]

Try some introspective work. Breathwork, exercise, meditation, focusing on training and diet. Even psychedelics or dissociatives to try and help you beat the addiction.

I spent alot on crack and it is honestly crazy how addictive that shit is. They aren't joking when they say people sell their soul over it.

You're best bet is to sever all connections to that world. Hell switch phone numbers if need be. Delete all contacts to pick up. And focus on yourself, your own progress and having some introspection as to what's lead you to the place you're at now.

 

[siruspoolzx]

It's one horrible substance. My life is on that edge before I can't come back from it.
Anyways do you think I should be honest with my doctor?
Be honest with the counselor (put it as opiods instead of crack)
Take works offer and be sober via only can do drinks, and a occasional Doobie*?
I just fear of being labeled an addict, as I do have a herniated disc that is degenerating. Eventually will need medication again.

 

[elgoucho9]

I don't think telling your doctor really will benefit you with crack use. I am down as a cocaine addict and nothing that came after benefitted me even slightly one bit.

Personally would look to sorting yourself out rather than hoping someone else is going to do it.

 

[BadBoy377]

Try some introspective work. Breathwork, exercise, meditation, focusing on training and diet. Even psychedelics or dissociatives to try and help you beat the addiction.

I spent alot on crack and it is honestly crazy how addictive that shit is. They aren't joking when they say people sell their soul over it.

You're best bet is to sever all connections to that world. Hell switch phone numbers if need be. Delete all contacts to pick up. And focus on yourself, your own progress and having some introspection as to what's lead you to the place you're at now.

All petty solid advice. I second this.

 

[siruspoolzx]

That's what I'm worried about. Was thinking counselling, and twisting it towards my prescribed opioid. Not to be completely honest yes. Just so I dont get classified as a having a opioid addiction ( keep it about my back pain)
Don't need them right now, but some days yes.
Went to emerge and she would only give me Ativan, and a 5 day off sick note.
Hopefully get her to sign my disability forms tomorrow? Come in actually sober and slept.
This situation feels worse than breaking up with a life partner of 10 years.

 

[siruspoolzx]

Also right now my brain is like 10% even being rested. I don't know even where to start.
Also about that doctor, trying to work it like I have anxiety and burnt out (stress leave)

 

[deficiT]

I mean if your life is falling apart from cocaine use and you truly can't stop, nothing is going to work quite as well as checking yourself into an inpatient rehab for a couple weeks or a month. All this about being afraid to be labeled as an addict or whatever is merely justification to continue your use. There is no "permanent record" like that. I've gone to plenty of rehabs, psych wards, doctors, whatever, and anytime I go to a new doctor I'm basically getting a clean slate and they just take whatever I tell them at face value. They might look up my prescription history or something, but that's it. Especially if you're in a different state they don't hold records like that. I have gotten prescribed ADHD meds after being labeled an addict. Pain meds are going to be very hard to get prescribed whether you are labeled an addict or not. Methadone or Suboxone is always an option if you're really hard off, or kratom. All way safer than getting street opioids, or getting no relief from your pain.

I say this as someone who definitely would be dead were it not for several stints in rehab and psych wards. Your mind is looking for any justification it can to continue your use. At least that's how it was for me. It is very hard to "just stop" when you're deep in it. Getting that physical sobriety and space between you and your use is crucial in early recovery. Get that physical sobriety and the tools you need from treatment, go to meetings, all of these things will make it possible for you to rebuild your life.

 

[siruspoolzx]

Thank you for the heart filled reply. Yeah it's been about two months, and definitely it's at the point where I need to address it.
I'm just worried because I do have perscriptions for my herniated disc.
Do not want to jeprodize it. Unfortuanly work has been notified it's a mental health situation, and the short term is being submitted. Hopefully it comes soon enough to keep my life at bay with bills..
I wish I never tried it, I totally lied to myself that I could keep it under control.
I think being sober in general for everything is needed. Test my will. Things won't start rolling till the 4th, but I feel I will be able to address everything.

 

[Jnowhere]

Never trust anyone in the medical field if that is where you work. Stay off, of all drugs. They have gotten good at detecting anything that is a schedule drug.
Do not tell anyone and stop smoking crack or using anything that could fuck up you getting a script for your herniated disc.
Do not ruin your career. Use every ounce of self control and give these people no ammo against you.
Please, be smart and avoid anything(especially crack) that could ruin your career and life. Do not trust anyone you have a connection with to your job.
Do not fuck up getting meds when you need them.
Please listen to me, a very close relative of mine was a surgeon and I heard so many stories of people in the medical industry who are Dicks.
The absolute hardest thing is the best thing. No drugs, other than what is perscribed to you or OTC. Never tell anyone and get past this.
The feds and the states are constantly thinking of ways to keep people from opiods, unless they are cancer patients.
All you worked for could be gone with one bad piss test. Labeled an addict will cost you big time as you get older and need pain relief.
I know I may sound harsh, but if you want to not ruin your life, please take my advice.
1. No drugs other than OTC or what is prescribed to you.
2. Trust no one, especially those in the medical field.
3. Use nothing that you would not want your employers to know about.(drug tests have gotten much better, nothing illegal)
4. Do not trust counselors or shrinks.
5. Find the strength to stop anything that could jeopardize your job or future scripts
6. I have failed drug tests I shouldn't have. They found something in my urine that should have been long gone. I stuck to my statement that it was an accident. Then they tell me they found it in previous tests. I stood my ground and my doctor let it slide because it was schedule 4 or 5 and I had a great excuse and a witness who was trust worthy.
7. There is a hugh crack down(no pun intended) on opiates. If you you get labeled a druggie and your back gets worse; you are screwed.
8. This is very tough, but any action or words that could jeopardize your future, don't do or say any thing about past addictions. Talking about coke or crack will only bring trouble.
9. Never tell anyone about any of this.
10. I know what it is like to have no one: It sucks, but the repercussions and the damage you could do in the immediate future could ruin your life.
11. Remember if you need serious meds for your back, go to a male doctor who is middle aged or older and preferably middle Eastern or Indian(from India or of that decent) I am a pain patient too. I gave up morphine er and am still on oxycodone, valium(was on Ativan) and gabapentin( which I am starting to regret).
12. I am not some young kid; the medical industry relies on computer records and you do not want to be labeled a druggie. I do not care what others say, I rely on what I have been told by doctors. Stop at all costs. I am alone and have a lot to deal with, it sucks. You need to find the strength and put this and all illegal drug use behind you.
13. Inpatient rehab is 10% successful at best. Don't end up a casualty of the war on drugs. Quit using and find the strength to get past the 4th.
14. Your stress is from your back pain and work. Throw in family and relationship issues if needed.
15. Take a good hard look at where you are and what you have. Please do not throw it away because you need someone who cares nothing about, to talk to. Find the strength and do not throw your life away. No drugs(illegal) or any hint of them. No mention of addiction. Those medical records are now being put on computers. Medical professionals have access to them.
16. You need to be smart tough and think about your future.

 

[siruspoolzx]

Never trust anyone in the medical field if that is where you work. Stay off, of all drugs. They have gotten good at detecting anything that is a schedule drug.
Do not tell anyone and stop smoking crack or using anything that could fuck up you getting a script for your herniated disc.
Do not ruin your career. Use every ounce of self control and give these people no ammo against you.
Please, be smart and avoid anything(especially crack) that could ruin your career and life. Do not trust anyone you have a connection with to your job.
Do not fuck up getting meds when you need them.
Please listen to me, a very close relative of mine was a surgeon and I heard so many stories of people in the medical industry who are Dicks.
The absolute hardest thing is the best thing. No drugs, other than what is perscribed to you or OTC. Never tell anyone and get past this.
The feds and the states are constantly thinking of ways to keep people from opiods, unless they are cancer patients.
All you worked for could be gone with one bad piss test. Labeled an addict will cost you big time as you get older and need pain relief.
I know I may sound harsh, but if you want to not ruin your life, please take my advice.
1. No drugs other than OTC or what is prescribed to you.
2. Trust no one, especially those in the medical field.
3. Use nothing that you would not want your employers to know about.(drug tests have gotten much better, nothing illegal)
4. Do not trust counselors or shrinks.
5. Find the strength to stop anything that could jeopardize your job or future scripts
6. I have failed drug tests I shouldn't have. They found something in my urine that should have been long gone. I stuck to my statement that it was an accident. Then they tell me they found it in previous tests. I stood my ground and my doctor let it slide because it was schedule 4 or 5 and I had a great excuse and a witness who was trust worthy.
7. There is a hugh crack down(no pun intended) on opiates. If you you get labeled a druggie and your back gets worse; you are screwed.
8. This is very tough, but any action or words that could jeopardize your future, don't do or say any thing about past addictions. Talking about coke or crack will only bring trouble.
9. Never tell anyone about any of this.
10. I know what it is like to have no one: It sucks, but the repercussions and the damage you could do in the immediate future could ruin your life.
11. Remember if you need serious meds for your back, go to a male doctor who is middle aged or older and preferably middle Eastern or Indian(from India or of that decent) I am a pain patient too. I gave up morphine er and am still on oxycodone, valium(was on Ativan) and gabapentin( which I am starting to regret).
12. I am not some young kid; the medical industry relies on computer records and you do not want to be labeled a druggie. I do not care what others say, I rely on what I have been told by doctors. Stop at all costs. I am alone and have a lot to deal with, it sucks. You need to find the strength and put this and all illegal drug use behind you.
13. Inpatient rehab is 10% successful at best. Don't end up a casualty of the war on drugs. Quit using and find the strength to get past the 4th.
14. Your stress is from your back pain and work. Throw in family and relationship issues if needed.
15. Take a good hard look at where you are and what you have. Please do not throw it away because you need someone who cares nothing about, to talk to. Find the strength and do not throw your life away. No drugs(illegal) or any hint of them. No mention of addiction. Those medical records are now being put on computers. Medical professionals have access to them.
16. You need to be smart tough and think about your future.

Thank you I was planning on doing just this. I worked as a nurse In a hospital prior to industrial. I was planning on telling my doctor is seasonal depression, paired with his tapering.
Also ask him for a referral for a physiologist.
I know it sounds bad but one it saves my dosage of medication (oxy).Two even though it's not every day, but when I need the medication I can have a supply.
Three it strengthens my back issue with my medical record.
Seems doctor hear 3 days being good and 2 days of shit they cut things.
I do have trauma I gotta deal with and my plans are to use the therapy to deal with why I turn to drugs.
Thank you all for the reply.

IF ANYONE READS THIS CRACK DRESTROYS EVERYTHING IT REWIRES YOU

 

[Jnowhere]

Thank you I was planning on doing just this. I worked as a nurse In a hospital prior to industrial. I was planning on telling my doctor is seasonal depression, paired with his tapering.
Also ask him for a referral for a physiologist.
I know it sounds bad but one it saves my dosage of medication (oxy).Two even though it's not every day, but when I need the medication I can have a supply.
Three it strengthens my back issue with my medical record.
Seems doctor hear 3 days being good and 2 days of shit they cut things.
I do have trauma I gotta deal with and my plans are to use the therapy to deal with why I turn to drugs.
Thank you all for the reply.

IF ANYONE READS THIS CRACK DRESTROYS EVERYTHING IT REWIRES YOU

I don't want someone in pain like me having their supply of (legit) pain medication cut off. Also you probably worked hard to get where you are. I don't want to see a life ruined. I sincerely hope you are able to deal with your trauma in a positive way, good luck.

 

[thatmf]

So after about 2 months and 15,000 I am at a loss. Crack has been the worst time of my life. I have reached out to an ex, and family. I feel like they can't support me how I need.
What's made me question everything has not been the money, nor the addiction. It's Been now that every time I use it I get psychosis.
I got involved with the wrong crowd and don't want this to affect my life regarding that.
I guess a little bit of the addiction. Can go five days without it, but seem to cave every time.
I have an amazing paying job, they offer resources. Also an amazing medical system, they aswell can help.
My issues.
I have a real medical issue and got off of oxy, but don't want that to ever be taken away *permanently*.
I have worked as a nurse in our medical system, and drug users unfortuantly do get labeled for life. They also get cut off of any supports (hard medication) due to previous addiction.
My work is now completely different, and they offer short term, also 8 week program at a center. I just don't know if I'm strong enough to go through with it. As it's 24 hours monitoring and random drug tests after completing it.
I was thinking of going through the counselling/ psychiatric therapy.
Still get on short term, but not being labeled for life. Aswell as getting rhe support to get through this.
I have had an opiod addiction, gambling, cocaine regarding lines, and finally now the worst and my hardest one smoking cocaine.
My family has now been involved in one of my states, my ex (narcissist). It just feels like I let too much out. Need a solution or what you would feel I should do.

Good on you for recognising how bad things got before they got worse, if that makes any sense? I'm sure you could be an inpatient for a while to work on the crack/relapse, but it depends where you live...from my experience not many users are able to or accepted into psych to deal with drug issues. Look my main suiggestion would be to push past that 5 day period. Take some time off work, block/cut off any and all suppliers or even people who you'd use with/associate with, they're all just going to pull you back in. It seems right now that things will never get better, that you'll have the "drug addict" stigma attached but to my knowledge I doubt it will be as bad as it may be in your head.

I'd understand that you might not want to go into hospital for treatment. The short term program sounds good! The first 2 months are by far the worst ones. Just wonder if it would affect your work at all but I think they'd be sympathetic. Everyone can slip. See a psychologist, if you can make it past 4-5 days (the worst of the abhorrent cravings), push yourself to two weeks etc. If you can get time off work, focus on hobbies, doomscrolling, some light exercise and just fight through the cravings as much as you can. All the best.

 

[thatmf]

But honestly it is possible to quit entirely cold turkey. It's hard, probably one of the worst experiences you'll go through. Rehab can just patch you up and I've known people who have gotten on the day after rehab. If you can see a psychologist you have a connection with, that would be good. But I agree with @Jnowhere.

 

[Jnowhere]

There is nothing for crack addiction, like there is for opiod addiction. It is a psychological addiction. There is no crackadone.

 

[siruspoolzx]

Well I thought I would do a update. I am happy to say my finances were on the verge, but able to still maintain.
Asked for help from the person who always has my back, my mom. Unfortuantly it's sad they can't see the relapses (people closest to me), and hoping counselling will help me to find a start at least for this monster.
I have done some soul searching, and realized alot of this has been caused by me, and I wasn't feeding my soul. Kept, giving.
Met a new partner, clicked and have been open about everything.
It just breaks my heart that he has a soft soul aswell, unfortuantly already enabling me, lieing for me, also just generally has intense feelings towards me. Day 13 and I know this can be a red flag. Just don't want the loneliness during sober moments.
Music, everything that I would like I just can't enjoy them. Hopefully it passes when I can finally say no and get a longer period of being clean.
Don't know? Worst thing that has happened to me. Even tops my older brothers passing ( 8 years ago )

Going to ride this wave and hopefully it hits dry ground.

 

[thatmf]

Well I thought I would do a update. I am happy to say my finances were on the verge, but able to still maintain.
Asked for help from the person who always has my back, my mom. Unfortuantly it's sad they can't see the relapses (people closest to me), and hoping counselling will help me to find a start at least for this monster.
I have done some soul searching, and realized alot of this has been caused by me, and I wasn't feeding my soul. Kept, giving.
Met a new partner, clicked and have been open about everything.
It just breaks my heart that he has a soft soul aswell, unfortuantly already enabling me, lieing for me, also just generally has intense feelings towards me. Day 13 and I know this can be a red flag. Just don't want the loneliness during sober moments.
Music, everything that I would like I just can't enjoy them. Hopefully it passes when I can finally say no and get a longer period of being clean.
Don't know? Worst thing that has happened to me. Even tops my older brothers passing ( 8 years ago )

Going to ride this wave and hopefully it hits dry ground.

Sorry to hear of your brother's passing It must still be rough. 13 days clean is amazing! At that point you'll be depressed and apathetic. It's normal. Just keep fighting the urges, keep focusing on something. Your partner sounds good...maybe! It will all work out in the end! Congrats on 16 days and keep at it! Here if you ever want to vent/chat

 

[thatmf]

You will be able to enjoy things again...The hazy depressed/apathetic cloud hanging over you should start to clear in about 2-3 weeks...It gets better, I know it doesn't feel like it will but trust me, after a few months you'll be excited to be alive and not hooked on that crap anymore...Just take it day by day.

Keep saying no, keep persevering. Find as many distractions as you can, remember to eat and to rest. If you can do some exercise, it will help a lot too.

 

[Eryximachus]

Valproate and carbamazepine have some evidence for reducing the cravings of many drugs. Worth trying.