Mental Health Suicide is Tempting

[fifleman]

Is it that nobody accepts you or you don't accept yourself? That's what popped in my mind and ended up with this thread helping me. If I can't accept or like myself, I shouldn't expect others to or react in anger when they don't (I do, like you, have misplaced anger). Recently, I have been on a path to falling in love with myself. Accepting my flaws inside and out. Liking myself and wanting to treat myself well. All that you typed is nothing I haven't experienced and there is utter hope for you.

I feel so damn weird around people, too. I'm 25 and find myself wondering if others will like me if they see the real me. However, like above, if I like myself, who gives a damn about others? There will be others. And the coolest part? It's OK. Let yourself come into you. There ain't never gonna be another

Another point sticking out is the negative self talk and the harsh overtone on yourself. If we could all just love ourselves and let our mistakes go. I have to continually remind myself there is no life manual and that I am an artist creating in day-to-day life. You are a loser and will not enjoy your youth if you say so. I personally believe your light wants to shine from within but you're stifling it with the crude and negative thoughts your mind casts over your body. I believe your potential of being a joyous 18-year old who enjoys what she enjoys is far more realistic then what that ill-informed mind of yours says. The mind is a liar. Be in the moment and realize you are already perfect. There is nothing more to add, no education to help fulfill a job, no friends needed to complete a "friend circle". You have everything you need. You have you. When you can see this as the truth, then all of society's extracurricular activities become opportunities you may want to pursue. You see, your path is your path. You will not find it on Bluelight and others may not want to walk alongside you. The greatest know this

 

[Phase0)))]

Read your post but no one elses, so I don't know if they have made any of my suggesstions.

But please read:

I was in a very similar position as you, and I have somewhat comeout of it even after a couple failed suicide attempts. And each of my attempt I thought I was going to die, but woke up, disappointed and alive.

My soultion is somewhat simple but bears a great price.

I have pretty much accepted that I will need to be on benzos for the rest of my life, if I want a normal life where I can actually bear the anxiety of having a job, college, growing up, social things and also just plain living.

If you use a low dose as directed, then you will proabaly have jsut as good as success as me.

Have you tried benzos? If not, then you have the option at making a large sacrifice and dangerous deal, but it's for the life that's worth it you can't live but want cause of anxiety and I like to think that when I die, even if addicted to benzos, that I know I would have done a lot more that I wanted that I know without benzos, I would more likely be regretting not doing them on my deathbed.

Please take care, and no matter how bad you get, remember the only other option is death which is most likely just nothingness. Even if you reach rock bottom, there is no harm if you attempt to fix it all even if you fail right? Like, you're already living hell it can't get much worse, might as well just treat it like a video game somewhat where the people around you are just NPC's completely unaware of your failures and faulty actions.

Death will just mean that you never fully tried. If you're at your wits end, then you will most likely be able to accept a deal with the devil, cause it can only get better, or you die, which either means something you can never even guess to know so is pointless in fearing, or it's just not existing, which in case, there will be no you to regret killing yourself and whatnot. And that's boring.

If you go insane, don't end it, being insane can be fun. And not nearly all insane people are complete horrific shunned of society. You could be a really good artist. It's fun to be different.

And it's fun to take risks and risky deals, especially ones that could completely give you the life you want

take care

 

[siamooshkeleh]

Hi, guys. Thank you for your replies they were all very touching. I left on a holiday last week to get my mind off of things and it has worked somewhat. I get my exam results tomorrow so I'm praying it won't turn into such a bad situation.

 

[lonewolf05]

Stay strong

"Everyone does but not me." This is false. A lot of people struggle in their youth
My teenage years were a struggle. Loneliness, depression, confusion and intense feelings of inferiority were my constant companions. I was bullied a lot for three years, by my whole class. I got into all sorts of trouble. I've done things I regret. I've seen things I wish I hadnt seen. I'm not proud of my teenage years neither my early adulthood years. Somehow, though, I've survived the shitstorm that was (and still is) my youth.

Look, you're just going through a rough patch in life. I know you don't want to hear this, but the choices you make over the next 5-7 years are really going to determine what the rest of your life will be like. If you truely want to make a better life for yourself you need to let the past go and focus on your future. Suicide is never the answer! Feel free to PM me if you need someone to talk to.

 

[spork]

Hi, guys. Thank you for your replies they were all very touching. I left on a holiday last week to get my mind off of things and it has worked somewhat. I get my exam results tomorrow so I'm praying it won't turn into such a bad situation.

Thanks for the update and I'm glad that you're feeling better. I hope you did well on the exams. Even if you didn't though, there are still options other than suicide. Lots of love to you.

 

[teological]

I know all experiences vary and everyone experiences hardships at different levels. Your situation is rough. But, and there is a big BUT here, it is not very rough.

The shit some people have been through, including myself, are not even on the same level. Think: Extreme loneliness (ten-fold worse than your situation), psychotic hallucinations mixed with self identity problems, drug use and no place to sleep that is deemed "safe".

You will get through this, suicide is not the answer, never was, never is.