Hi. Thank you guys for all of your kind and encouraging words and not forgetting about me. I really appreciate it. It's nice to know you all are still out there.
I wasn't able to see the link from aihfl, it gave me an error message, I'll pm you so maybe I can find it another way.
I think I figured out why I started all this madness again(aka drinking)
I think I was feeling a false sense of well being/health?! I dont know what to call it, but from when I first was diagnosed w/cirrhosis (Jan '17) I had extreme edema, legs like tree trunks, huge ankles, feet, stomach(I even had a woman at a job I just started ask if I was pregnant), yellow skin/eyes, constant nausea and my Dr. telling me I needed 6 mos w/no alcohol to be put on the transplant list to now where my swelling is slight, usually just ankles, my belly is still a bit distended, but nothing like it was, my color is normal, bloodwork is "normal"
(for me anyway.. meaning certain things are always way high or low when you have cirrhosis) and my Dr telling me I'm too "healthy" to be put on transplant list now...even at stage 4!! My MELD score is too low now. I still can't believe it.
I guess I thought I'm doing so well, I might as well have a couple drinks and on from there...
Well, I guess it doesn't take a genius to figure all that out, but whatever.
I quit before for a whole year and a half, so I can do it again. I was given Librium after I got out of the hospital, which I dont have now, but I do have Xanax which I understand to be about the same, as well as Flexeril that I know helps with achiness, muscle spasms/cramps, stuff like that when you're getting off of pretty much anything.
Anyway, I've rambled on enough for now.