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    Detox journal 
    #1
    Hey all. Long time lurker, first time posting. History: 10 year opiate user for severe chronic head and neck pain. 8 brain surgeries, 1 spinal fusion. My real problems started last year when my doc had to drastically cut my dosages due to all the new federal and state regulations. I figured out that snorting my IR meds made them more potent and gave me amazing energy. I did this within my prescribed amounts for 6mo or so... then I started running out early. Fast forward another 6mo and I'm running out WAY early. I realize I have a problem. I'm trying to give them up completely. I'm tired of being a slave to my pills. I'm on day 5 of detox. Physically, the withdraws have gotten so much better but I have NO energy and I'm just laying around and my mind is all over the place. I have no desire to do anything and I am mentally beating myself up for how I feel. Does that even make sense to anyone else? When will I feel a bit more alive?
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    #2
    Welcome Sunsoda,

    As a fellow chronic pain patient on long term opiate therapy I can totally relate to you. I have Degenerative Disc Disease as well as cervical fusions, and other herniated discs.

    Where I live we have to jump through so many hoops now as chronic pain patients that I was sick of doing it all to get my medication.


    Pain contracts, using one pharmacy. Random urine testing, pill counts, a lot of scrutiny every time I fill my rx. We have an opiate crisis here and it's made it much more difficult for legitimate people in pain now to get their medication.

    So 13 days ago I quit cold turkey. I was just sick of the hassle you know?

    I hear you about low energy, my physical symptoms are gone, I just have a bit of lingering depression from the quit, other than that I'm just bored more than anything else.

    Try to find ways to kill time, also come here and post anytime.

    Just wanted to let you know I know what you're going through and I'm here to support you.

    I am happy you quit and very proud that you have come this far!!!
    Here for you anytime,
    your friend,
    Ashley.
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    #3
    Thanks Ashley! Are you able to work? I'm on disability and physically limited so I hear you on the boredom!!! If I watch one more Netflix series I'm going to lose my mind. I'm technically still recovering from my fusion so I try to be patient with myself but I'm struggling. The withdraw isn't helping. Ugh. I want my healthy life back!
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    #4
    Hi Sunsoda,

    I am not able to work. Yes to the disability and yes to the sucking and boredom of it all!!! I hear you about the Netflix getting tiresome too...lol.

    This is when too much time on our hands does more harm than good. Lol.

    Did you have a cervical fusion like me or a lumbar one?

    You'll get your life back, be kind to yourself though, you're going through a lot and as a chronic pain patient that has gone through fusions I get what you're going through.

    Hang in there, no need to struggle, I am here for you anytime. Pm me anytime.

    Your friend,
    Ash.



    Quote Originally Posted by Sunsoda View Post
    Thanks Ashley! Are you able to work? I'm on disability and physically limited so I hear you on the boredom!!! If I watch one more Netflix series I'm going to lose my mind. I'm technically still recovering from my fusion so I try to be patient with myself but I'm struggling. The withdraw isn't helping. Ugh. I want my healthy life back!
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    #5
    You're a sweetheart Ashley. I had a cervical fusion also c5-c7. I had to wear a SOMI brace for 3mo. It was a nightmare. My neck is somewhat better but not as much pain relief as I had hoped. Oh well. Life of pain goes on.

    Question.... today is day 6. I am super shaky today. Feels like I drank 3 POTS of coffee. What the hell kinda symptom is this? Do not like!!!! Help?
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    #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sunsoda View Post
    You're a sweetheart Ashley. I had a cervical fusion also c5-c7. I had to wear a SOMI brace for 3mo. It was a nightmare. My neck is somewhat better but not as much pain relief as I had hoped. Oh well. Life of pain goes on.

    Question.... today is day 6. I am super shaky today. Feels like I drank 3 POTS of coffee. What the hell kinda symptom is this? Do not like!!!! Help?
    It's just part of it. Your brain chemistry is out of whack. It'll pass hang in there
    Addicted? Want to stop? We can help! Come to the sober living forum!
    http://www.bluelight.org/vb/forums/269-Sober-Living
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    #7
    Yes like cj said it will pass, honestly so many weird wd things happen but they don't last long ok?

    I had to give in and take my pain medication last night, I only had to take 2 doses but already feel like I am back on day 1 of wd's.

    I hope your day goes better than mine sunsoda. ; )

    Your fusion is the same as mine btw. The collar and not being able to lift anything heavier than a small bag of sugar for months sucked.
    Hugs,
    Ash.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sunsoda View Post
    You're a sweetheart Ashley. I had a cervical fusion also c5-c7. I had to wear a SOMI brace for 3mo. It was a nightmare. My neck is somewhat better but not as much pain relief as I had hoped. Oh well. Life of pain goes on.

    Question.... today is day 6. I am super shaky today. Feels like I drank 3 POTS of coffee. What the hell kinda symptom is this? Do not like!!!! Help?
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    #8
    Bluelighter ladyhlove's Avatar
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    Hang in there! The depression and lack of energy is pretty common at this phase. It will get better, then seem to not be better, then get better again over the course of the next couple of weeks. Don't let any the bad days discourage you..the longer you stay away from the opiates the better you will eventually feel. It's rough but you can do it!
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    #9
    For me I think the shakiness was my anxiety. It happened less when I was moving around and busy. I'm a little over 2 weeks clean and I don't have it at all anymore thank goodness. I know it's scary but just breathe in and out and try to distract yourself. At least that's what worked for me. You're doing great!
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    #10
    Hey my friend, sunsoda, how are you doing today?

    Chronic pain has been wearing on me lately, I made an appt with my dr to see what else I can do or take for it. FML kinda day you know? I know you understand having also had a fusion. Thanks for letting me vent.

    I truly hope you're having a good day though!

    Here for you,
    Ash.
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    #11
    Hey y'all. Thanks for the responses. I'm on day 8... still feel shaky and uncomfortable in my skin. I've been on meds most of the last 10 years so clearly gonna take a while to feel normal again. I'm reading that exercise would really help at this stage but I am terrified to start up a pain flare. Ugh. I'm feeling pretty discouraged right now. Ash- so sorry your pain is acting up. It's such a shitty way to live. Don't beat yourself up for taking your meds. We can't be strong ALL the time. Hope your doc can help someway 💜
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    #12
    Thinking about putting my hard collar on and try to do an exercise video... hmmmm... gotta get outta bed first... ugh
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    #13
    Sunsoda is it wrong that I'd get a kick out of seeing a workout vid with your hard collar on!!!??? Hahaha, what can I say I'm sick. ; )



    Quote Originally Posted by Sunsoda View Post
    Thinking about putting my hard collar on and try to do an exercise video... hmmmm... gotta get outta bed first... ugh
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    #14
    On a more serious note, thanks for the support SS.

    Chronic pain's a bitch, I sincerely hope you heal and get back to a stellar 100%.

    Your friend,
    Ash.
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    #15
    Haha! I'm sure it would be a sight to see!!! Didn't try today... maybe tomorrow

    Hope you have a pain free night 💜
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    #16
    Aaaaarrrrrgggggghhhhhh! I'm going a little nuts today. The shakes are making me crazzzzzzzzy. Day 9. This has to stop soon!!!!
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    #17
    Hey SS,

    Is it like anxiety, if so do you have any benzo's? I had to take an ativan to sleep the other night, helped though.

    Here for you, hope it stops soon.

    your friend,
    Ash.



    Quote Originally Posted by Sunsoda View Post
    Aaaaarrrrrgggggghhhhhh! I'm going a little nuts today. The shakes are making me crazzzzzzzzy. Day 9. This has to stop soon!!!!
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    #18
    I think it is anxiety. No benzos New state law here you can't be on benzos and take pain meds. Stupid. Hoping this goes AWAY soon! Hope you're having a better day than me!
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    #19
    That's EXACTLY what they did here, if you're on any type of opiates you're NEVER allowed a benzo rx. Sucks.

    Feel better my friend. Be easy on yourself. You're doing amazing things right now so be kind to yourself. When you feel tightly wound like that just breathe. Easier said than done though right? ; )

    your friend,
    Ash.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sunsoda View Post
    I think it is anxiety. No benzos New state law here you can't be on benzos and take pain meds. Stupid. Hoping this goes AWAY soon! Hope you're having a better day than me!
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    #20
    Thx Ash. Definitely trying to be calm and breathe deeply. I'm really tired now so hopefully a good night sleep is what I'll get. Tomorrow is day 10! I really can't believe I made it this far!!!! Gotta hold on...
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    #21
    Get some good sleep SS, I'm sure you'll feel better tomorrow.

    Proud of you my friend, you're doing this!!! 10 is HHHUUUGGGEEEE!!!!

    Ash.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sunsoda View Post
    Thx Ash. Definitely trying to be calm and breathe deeply. I'm really tired now so hopefully a good night sleep is what I'll get. Tomorrow is day 10! I really can't believe I made it this far!!!! Gotta hold on...
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