i've been taking hydrocodone since 2021. off and on. typically two weeks on, and then two weeks off. around 20mg-40mg a day. i never really had "bad" withdrawal symptoms. in december of 2022, i got corona and didn't take any hydro for almost two months. outside corona, didn't have any "real" withdrawal symptoms. i only got on it from a car accident and tried my best to only take when my back was hurting to much (which later kinda turned into "i'm stressed" comfort thing because it did lower my anexity (dianogsed with actual OCD, not the people who think they have ""ocd""). when i first took a hydro i HATED it. it made my head hurt so much, i struggled to breathe because my breathing slowed down so hard. i got the worst headaches from it. after a month worth of taking i started to feel "normal."
fast forward to july 2nd of this year, i got my hands on oxycodone... 30mg tablets, and 40mg tablets. for july i just took the 30mg tablets. two a day on average. some days three. i was under a lot of stress in july with my family and work. by the first week of august i switched to the 40mg when i ran out of the 30. just two a day, i couldn't take anything more. made me too drowsy. by the third week of august i had enough. i couldn't take a shit and struggled to piss. had zero sex drive. i was randomly passing out and had trouble thinking and staying focused. i honestly felt "sick" if that makes sense. it was a big increase over my hydro doses i was taking... and my dumb ass thought oxy was hydro but higher dose.. i didn't realize oxy was 50% stronger... so if i was taking 80-90mg, that was the same as 120-135mg of hydro... needless to say, i hate myself for what i did. so i stopped taking it, and went back to the few hydrocodone pills i had left. i had about 50 pills left... i noticed myself taking 10 a day. was getting nervous since it has tylenol in it. but man did i feel better. i could shit, i could piss, i had energy. my sex drive came back in force.
but i ran out by august 27th. only had one pill that day. august 28th? all hell broke loose because since then went cold turkey. first time "noticing" withdrawals. was absolute HELL. my anxiety was through the roof, first two days i had some sort of leg problems (like they wanted to move), and i could barely sleep maybe 2 hours at most. by the fourth day i was finally able to sleep an "amazing" three hours straight
.
i really don't know how to describe the first week outside calling it actual hell on earth. i felt sick, i felt like my body? insides? wanted to just explode, jump out of itself. i didn't feel "well." my heart rate was stupid high, my blood pressure was high, the diarrhea was so bad. everything was just awful. three years of off and on hydro with nearly "zero" noticeable issues at least, but two months on oxy fucking wrecked my body.
now its september 26th. 35 days clean off oxy. 28 days off hydro. i FEEL so much better. every now and then my head will hurt like its getting over a hangover but its very "light" but thats about it for body physical symptoms. i'm so much more alert, way faster response time, my sex drive really came back, i can take a nice shit, etc. i actually feel like i did before i took my first hydro, physically at least. but one thing that's barely improved, if any, is my sleep duration.. i can fall asleep. usually around 9pm. but i only sleep between 3 to 6 hours a night. what's crazy is that by the third week, i went 5 days of 6 hours a night and i thought i was getting back to normal.. but after that fifth day i only slept 3 hours, then 6 hours after than, back down to 3 and a half hours. then four hours, and last night, 5 hours + one more hourish after being awake for maybe 15 minutes. woke up after the first dream, fell back asleep to dream again and woke up after it ended.
the weird thing of it all, is that during this entire time, i never felt "sleep deprived." i wake up feeling.. rested. its been so weird. normally i would sleep 6 - 8 hours a night. average of 7. if i had slept 3 hours, i would feel like total shit. but man, i don't? and that freaks me the hell out. how am i getting 4 hours of sleep but feel like i slept 8 hours? i've been sleeping hard too i noticed. like when i pass out, i'm OUT until i start dreaming. when i dream, after its over, is when i wake up. and the dreams have been so detailed. normally i don't remember my dreams. like i know i dreamed, but can't tell you anything much about them 90% of the time. but these past 28 days i can tell you pretty much every dream, and details. even my wife has noticed that i'm not moving around much anymore when i sleep too and been able to sleep with the tv on or even the lamp left on which is new to me. i just pass out for 3 to 6 hours the most.
what freaks me out is most of what i have read here is that i should be like sleep deprived... but i'm not. its like my body is racing to deep sleep. i know its werid to be freaked out by this, but i feel like something is wrong. i mean i know something is wrong, but i just want to be "normal" again you know? normal 7 hours a night. does this shit pass? like will i return to my normal sleeping pattern again? i just want to be normal again.. before i took any of this shit. i hate that i poisoned myself. i have another bottle of hydro i picked up today from my prescription but i really don't want to take that shit either. i figured i made it this long might as well keep going. i fear if i take the hydro it will only set me back you know? i know i made progress. my hydro prescription is only 50 pills, 5-325mg tablets. if i do take it again, will it stop my progression? considering its such a low overall dose compared to that oxy poison shit? i just want my head to heal.
funny thing is, my back has improved a lot... i don't even think i need the hydro anymore for that..
from reading many people here, i should feel blessed that at least i wake up feeling rested with my sleep cut in half and i'm getting any sleep at all... but my anxiety of my OCD with obsessing over my sleep patterns doesn't help. i can't get it out of my head that "doctors say, you need 6 - 8 hours of sleep a night to be healthy." i didn't realize how much the hydro truly kept my OCD at bay. i got so use to the last three years being so calm... man i regret ever taking that damn oxy. shit is poison.
normal sleep comes back right? its good that i can get any sleep these first 30 days right? this shit isn't permanent?
