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Advice To tell or not to tell partner

From what I understand addiction; addiction is a lifetime(death, also) struggle. I have my own issues, and can understand certain things, but IV drug addict( former), would have a lot of dudes, especially those who have never struggled with addiction, out the door. Even though I knew drinking could kill me( cirrhosis), it was actually my body not processesing and becoming allergic.( yes having a judge tell me not to drink and being forced to piss in a cup on random testing for a year helped.) But I still tried when my probation was over(dui, due to liver not processing alcohol)

Then there are his family, (I have no idea about that situation) but a parent or sibling may get very concerned and Jennn, you said he is all you have. My best advice think as hard as you can think about that, if and when temptation starts. The if part, was me being polite. If he is unsympathetic to you using pills when you have MS, how will he take recreational fent use? Did he ever accuse you of being an IV drug addict? If the answer is no, then you are not lying.
When I think of IV drug use, HIV and hepatitis scare me badly. I am not saying you have shared needles, but he doesn't know.
I am scared he might be half way to his car before the door closes if he finds out.
You said it yourself, that you would go back to fent without him. I don't want that to happen. If you are alone, Narcan, will not save you.
Ultimately you have to decide, and as someone who did have a problem, ( with alcohol) and yes I take pills, I have a doctors appointment in less than 2 hours. I understand addiction to a point, but even I am scared to be around anything IV, or not prescribed, let alone IV Fentanyl use.
I am not a 12 stepper, and I have pessimistic(realistic) view of human nature.
I would be careful, because sometimes things are truly, better left unsaid.
 
He knows i take pain meds and i don't touch fent no more. He don't get on my case at all, very sympathetic . I think if i start over taking them again, which prob will happen sadly, i will tell him minus the iv part and have him hold them for me so i don't overuse. Not going to tell my history though, he's very compassionate and straight laced so i doubt he would understand. He's never even smoked weed.
Everyone saying tell him don't understand iit's not black or white, if i tell of 1 fk up i may lose him then i would relapse hard. I have no family, ditched all drug friends so i'd be alone and i don't want to chance that. Since my late husband he's the only guy i care for this much. I don't think keeping something like that is overly bad. He hasn't asked so i haven't lied
 
He asked you no questions, and you told him no lies. Being alone sucks and druggie friends steal. When it comes to IV drug use, that is a hugh red flag, emblazoned with the word, RUN. This sucks, I quit the morphine and couldn't get more oxy's. Just got back from doctors office. This is one case I wish America was a little more like Canada. I am on a low dose and in pain, oh well at least if things get real bad( which they could and probably will) my tolerance will be down. Those bastards who pushed oxycontin and all that fentanyl in the 1990's here in America fucked things up for those of us with serious pain issues. Michigan keeps lowering what they think doctors should be allowed to be prescribed. Also the state of Florida is to blame,( Yes I know of all the fucked up stuff that goes on there, but those pill mills that they had along with the evil douchebags who pushed Oxtcontin as safe and That asswipe with the fentanyl lollipops, spray and other fentanyl products caused such a panic and overreaction, that the feds and pretty much every state legislature caused so much suffering to people who really need painkillers. Those stupid ass(the ones who would not shut up about 'Lean') rappers, have also made it near impossible to get cough syrup that works. Oh great, and all them and the pansies drinking hard seltzers( If I could drink I would be real mad, because between them and all those stupid(some I remember were good) microbrews have fucked up the selection and variety of cheap to moderately priced domestic beer. I am pissed(no pun intended, hey there are people with strange minds on here, besides me) in principal and for all the guys who want to have variety in the cheap carbonated piss water they drink. I am angry at that in theory, the other(painkillers) that is driving me insane!

I have to piss in a cup every visit, cause I am prescribed narcotics. That shows up no more legal drugs for me.

Federal law I think, it just ain't state law

Luckily every other month I have a phone visit. Junkies just sell the dilauded( real cheap) and buy fent. Watch the documentary, I think it is called Canada is Dying. I believe it was made by Canadians, not just propaganda. I never thought I would quit drinking when I was 40.
 
I never thought i would IV. Never thought i'd be a 40 year old druggie either. Sorry about your pain. The government shouldn't be able to dictate to doctors what they should prescribe. Fentanyl hit here bad so now we have safe supply, anyone could walk into a clinic and get methadone/subs/hydromorph/morphine the same day. They are trying to save lives and it's working.
Tomorrow i can pick up my script and i am in pain but worried i'll take one then another etc..
No offense against your country but addicts and pain patients seem to be treated like garbage. Why would a doctor not write a script for morphine or oxy knowing the patient may go to fentanyl and die , crazy
 
Hey, IV drug use could freak a lot of people out. Shooting Fent is bad, really bad in many people's minds. I am no angel but even I would be freaked out by that. There is a limit to what people will accept and if this guy is as clean as she says, that is a Like I Said, A big red flag emblazoned with Run. Relapses, death, disease, and people around him, saying let this one loose.
She has no one else, and said she would relapse. She is alone a lot, aka no one to give her Narcan.
Maybe, just maybe you have been druggie. I use to drink(cirrhosis from it) and physically can't anymore. I use relatively small doses of oxy and benzos for 6+ years. Never ran out and don't abuse. Your perception is not even close to that of a person who has never even smoked weed. He might split, then what: she made that clear. I was once upon a time an alky, but even I would possibly be scared off. Not to mention who knows, she said he is sensitive; which in my book means he might talk to someone and they might tell him to find a woman with less issues, I am being kind, IV drug use is a deal breaker to many, and I can relate to being alone, and I am mad that I can't drink.
This ain't childhood, where you make and loose friends all the time, and she has no one but him.
Something like that, I guess you 2 have become so jaded, that a staight(I mean in the non druggie sense) persons way of thinking is as alien as a suicide bombers.
 
I don't shoot or even touch fentanyl, don't know where that came from. Don't share needles
I get hydromorph prescribed.
I don't like men who sleep around so if he was a man whore before me and not telling me I don't care, everyone by 40 has a past.
Thanks for the suggestions but I'm not telling. Why ruin the only good thing in my life over a couple day fk up
 
That's a bind you are in, I empathize. I do think openness and honesty is the gold standard to aspire to, but I also suck at communication and potential conflict, so my personal approach no doubt would be to not tell him and simultaneously tell myself I'd never do it again...but we know how often we fail to keep that promise to ourselves :(
Here is one other way to look at it, setting aside the value of honesty vs fear of losing him. Would telling him and having him forgive you give you the support you need to quit IVing? It's so fucking hard to quit bad habits when you are also holding in guilt and secrecy and loneliness. (Speaking for myself there.) It can just reenforce the urge to use.
Also, do you have any ability to talk to a therapist or counselor? Or maybe a good friend who understands the issues? It sounds from what you are saying that you are alone except for him, and that's a tough spot to be in, imho. And in fairness to yourself, yes, you relapsed once, but you also showed the strength to taper off already, and you clearly have qualities that make him love you and want to be with you. Maybe you just need some support rather than going it alone.
Best of luck <3
 
Well cats out of the bag. The past few months I've noticed when life stresses him out he would nit pick at everything I do, basically taking it out on me. I put up with it because I had a picture in my head of him being perfect because he was there when my mom passed.
He disappeared on Friday and had his phone off and had a bs excuse saying his daughter had a basketball tournament. I Googled and there was no tournament. As usual he tried to gaslight me turning everything back to my fault.
So I got mad and told him I was banging dope the whole relationship. At this point I don't care.
It's amazing how someone can act so perfectly until they get you hooked then their real personality shows through.
To be honest I'm relieved I ended it. Not knowing what his mood would be any given day was making my anxiety bad.
 
Jen X said:
It's amazing how someone can act so perfectly until they get you hooked then their real personality shows through.
To be honest I'm relieved I ended it. Not knowing what his mood would be any given day was making my anxiety bad.
Click to expand...
It's almost universal that - we present the sides of us which we think will be attractive to the other and keep the others, which we perceive will be less attractive, hidden. Until it all seeps out. Even if unconsciously, it's the same pattern in 90%+ relationships (with people we have only recently met anyway)

Sounds like you're better off without him tbh, perhaps anyway. Alone is definitely better than not authentic, for sure. But who knows how things will develop....could be the end for you two...could be just a bump in the road, who knows.

One thing though - grieve etc but please practice some selfcare. You know exactly what I mean. And - you have this community to talk shit through with ofc
 
Thank you @ageingpartyfiend . It's permanent. He had me thinking there's something wrong with me. For example I would ask what time he would be here for dinner and if he was having a bad day he would yell at me saying I was controlling. If I ever mentioned how I was feeling about something he said or did he would start bitching about smoking. I was never able to talk to him about anything he did or said or my feelings without being verbally attacked about something I said months ago. Always gaslight. Told I was negative if I was having a bad day.
The last couple months he turned into a different person or his true self came out. Either way I was walking on egg shells and I'd rather be alone then live like that.
Oddly I'm not really sad, more relieved
 
I am so sorry to hear that, from what you told me he was a great guy a treated you well.🥹 I have given up on relationships and even dating. I really had two potential chances in college, this was before I went off the deep end drinking. I am not going to get into the details but I basically chose alcohol over them and a good job and a future but I am OK financially for a while( I should be dead before I have issues.)
But, seriously I know we disagree on some stuff, but I thought you had a great relationship and I was happy to hear that.
I heard a guy on a video about 7 reasons Canada now sucks and why he is planning on leaving. One of his complaints was that it is hard to make friends and meet people. He went on to say that people basically have the same friends that they did in high school. That meeting people and building new relationships is hard in Canada.
But I truly am sorry that things went bad with you and that guy. I really hope you can find another guy, who will be honest and treat you well. I know that it can be hard to find someone that is attractive, you have good chemistry with and isn't hiding something or is a creep.
My philosophy is simple, I had my chances and screwed things up. So I was born alone and will die alone. I know that isn't a great philosophy but I should have died years ago and now I have accepted being alone. It is not a philosophy most would choose but I screwed up and and have learned to accept that I could be dead in the next 10 years anyways so it doesn't really matter.
You on the other hand I really hope you can find someone who will be honest with you, not have baggage and someone who you can grow old with.
Well the details of your relationship is your business but I had no idea he was nit picking at all sorts off stuff and had these mood swings.
I really hope and pray that you don't go off the deep end now that your relationship is over.
You made a comment a while back about not leaving your house and well,
You Know, I really hope that isn't the case. I hope you are OK and can get through this as unscathed as possible.
Just please don't fall off the deep end and feel free to PM anytime.
 
Well, sounds like you dodged a bullet there girl - walking on eggshells just ends up making you ill (shudders)

He's unlikely to change much in the way you'd need him to if he's like that as a 'mature' man
 
I guess the gaslighting, walking on egg shells, mood swings, and the " disappearing" made things a lot easier on you. The part about not really sad but relieved, seems to have made this break up easier than most long term relationship breakups.
 
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