and memories, of these am I cursed with, so many, and connections
not a robot, though
you turn off the robot to become a real boy
I literally have telephone numbers in my head that go to girls I dated in middle school and they're never going to leave.
I don't know if I'll ever be a real boy.
I have done a lot of self introspection and I agree with my ex-wife that I don't empathize like normal human beings. Now that's not to say that I'm a narcissistic sociopath because I'm not.
It's just that I am unable to express empathy even though I may cognitively feel it.
When we were trying to fix the marriage, we went to a marriage counselor and that's when I was actually diagnosed with Asperger's and she explained that there is a disconnect between the cognitive processes and the emotional processes for people with Asperger's and autism.
And she explained to my ex-wife that no it wasn't on purpose that I ignored her social cues or continue to make comments or behaviors that she had told me before was embarrassing.
Or even today I have to consciously evaluate how I'm interacting with people because I will come off as a really rude abrasive asshole that doesn't care about anybody that he comes in contact with when pretty much the opposite is the truth.
To me going and figuring out how to help somebody solve their problem is one of the kindest nicest things you could do for a person. So that is my empathizing and emotional connection to a person. But it will be emotionless. It will be matter of fact it will be blah blah blah blah. This is how you do what you have to do to fix yourself.
Which in hindsight sometimes has been counterproductive but that's the way I am.