Addiction Cravings are ruining my life

[Jabberwocky]

How do u stop craving h when u got a dealer who runs to ur house right after you call him and gets there in less than an hour? Should i move to another state? I cant do that rn i have stuff to do here. Should i kill him? I could kill him
Today i took twice the methadone i normally take and i was still crying because i wanted the dope so bad. I kept thinking of calling him all day and didnt do the things i had to do today. It never stops. I am starting to think about something drastic like rehab but i dont have the money and if i get out and just do it again its going to suck. Idk this sucks, but i cant kill myself because i am a christian. It's been years, dying seems nice.

 

[Skorpio]

First off, burn the connect. Delete the phone number and convince anybody whos got it to never give it back to ya. Not quite as cathartic as a murder, but you are on the hook for much less.

I think one of the hard parts of quitting any drug is coming to terms with the fact that you are going to suffer. Tons of threads here for example of people trying to not pay the piper. While you didn't get anything done because you were wrapped up in craving dope, you also didn't fall back into it.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Idk what to say about that, i mean you are correct, but it made me think about why i am afraid to stop, and it has nothing to do with the drug itself.


Ps. Crazy he died like that. I have a really cool Coil tape.

 

[Eligiu]

So something I learnt in outpatient rehab is that individual cravings only really last a maximum of 20 minutes in time. Obviously it's possible to have back to back ones which sucks, but it's good to remind yourself that if you simply continue to distract yourself it will pass.

I second the other responders suggestion about losing the number. I stupidly refused to change my number for the first 2 or so years I did outpatient and one day while on the phone to a friend I got a text from a dealer I hadn't spoken to in half a year advertising their product. I was immediately triggered and asked my friend to call me, and he told me now was probably the right time to bite the bullet and swap numbers. I agreed and went and did it the next day.

My old social worker once gave me this really great piece of advice. Often, once we've made the decision to use then using becomes inevitable. But what if, instead of deciding whether or not to use you decide whether or not to do something else, something which if you decide not to do it, makes using impossible and isn't as hard as choosing to use or not. He suggested things like 'im going to choose not to put shoes on' which meant I couldn't leave the house. Or 'im going to choose not to withdraw any cash' which means I can't pay for the drugs. Maybe even 'im not going to get dressed in my clothes' which does admittedly result in sitting around naked but definitely ensures that you won't be leaving your front door any time soon.

Basically, if it's too hard for you to choose to use or not, make the choice easier.

That's my advice.

 

[Jabberwocky]

as difficult as it sounds, try not to give cravings power. it makes them so much worse.

right now i am badly craving alcohol. its worse because i've for some dumb reason half given myself permission to drink this eve. if i had have just firmly told myself i wasn't going to do that and gone on with whatever, then i'd likely not be so fucking pissed and frustrated about it right now. i'm suffering way more than i could be cos i gave the craving power.

accepting suffering is also super important, as @Skorpio said above.

 

[Opi_Kid_Rock]

Are you truly ready to stop using? Ask yourself. Understand WHY you want to stop. It’s important to understand that you’ll probably never feel as good as you did high.

When you do decide you truly want to stop, it’s important to go all-in with your attempt as with most things in life that are worthwhile. Deleting the phone number is a step in the right direction to stop. Getting onto Opiate Replacement Therapy is a very viable path. Combine that with therapy/ meetings such as SMART Recovery, NA, Lifering reinforces thought patterns. Do you believe you need trauma counselling?

Sobriety is very much about self-knowledge, self-acceptance, and self-discovery in my opinion. I hope you’re able to find the answers to these important questions.

With peace and love.

 

[neversickanymore]

Put little barriers in between being able to get the substance. Anything that requires your conscious mind to solve even a minor problem. This prevents the subconscience from just floating auto pilot to acquiring what ever chemical its into. Little barriers, that you yourself can erect. Things like keep your money in the bank and ditch your atm card for a little while. Really anything that prevents you from being able to instantly make that soul destroying move. little barriers, take all your dealers numbers out of you phone and write them down instead, with other numbers and stash them in a pain in the ass place to get, safe for a day that will never come.

When we reach point with many substances ,especially opiates and others, we spend our lives trying to feel as decent 10% of the time as we would 95% if we completely kicked and actively treated our addiction to a prolonged remission.

If methadone isn't holding you then I don't think there is much left but misery on the opiate road. Its been spent and will never come back. At this point you can abstain for years and if you take it back up your tolerance will explode forward to the lervel its currently at in weeks given regular use.

Cravings use so much manipulation, but Its fantasy, that never really happened, it only lives in your mind and is wielded by your subconscious to get you to do what it wants. Sounds bat shit nuts right. it's not our memory of use, especially during a crave is pure fantasy. Its a strong manipulation.

Look at what active addiction actually is. Its hell, not that fake ass paradise our minds like to dangle on the barbed hook.

late stage opiate addiction and dependence is one of the worst experiences on the planet.. not some amazing state to be longed for and missed.

 

[RC-Lover123]

Put little barriers in between being able to get the substance. Anything that requires your conscious mind to solve even a minor problem. This prevents the subconscience from just floating auto pilot to acquiring what ever chemical its into. Little barriers, that you yourself can erect. Things like keep your money in the bank and ditch your atm card for a little while. Really anything that prevents you from being able to instantly make that soul destroying move. little barriers, take all your dealers numbers out of you phone and write them down instead, with other numbers and stash them in a pain in the ass place to get, safe for a day that will never come.

When we reach point with many substances ,especially opiates and others, we spend our lives trying to feel as decent 10% of the time as we would 95% if we completely kicked and actively treated our addiction to a prolonged remission.

If methadone isn't holding you then I don't think there is much left but misery on the opiate road. Its been spent and will never come back. At this point you can abstain for years and if you take it back up your tolerance will explode forward to the lervel its currently at in weeks given regular use.

Cravings use so much manipulation, but Its fantasy, that never really happened, it only lives in your mind and is wielded by your subconscious to get you to do what it wants. Sounds bat shit nuts right. it's not our memory of use, especially during a crave is pure fantasy. Its a strong manipulation.

Look at what active addiction actually is. Its hell, not that fake ass paradise our minds like to dangle on the barbed hook.

late stage opiate addiction and dependence is one of the worst experiences on the planet.. not some amazing state to be longed for and missed.

Yeah, once the magic is gone, it is gone for good. Tolerance is a beast that cannot be overcome. You may have a few weeks of getting really high (maybe not even that!!) but then it will all be dull and blunted again and doses will have to be escalated. My first half year on morphine was heavenly, but I know it will never come back. I fucked up by using daily for a year, building up a massive tolerance and now the magic is lost forever. That thought helps me a lot with cravings.

 

[AlphaMethylPhenyl]

I'm lucky to not have super cravings. I was probably mildly or moderately addicted in the past, but I was always able to pull myself back in somehow. I think that maybe you cna put yourself in a relaxed state through meditation and decide in that headspace what to do about things. I am nothing without my meditation, tbh. It's helped me so much. It can help you control that animal part of your brain to bring your neocortex back into the fold (no pun intended, but probably only with neurobio knowledge catch the pun).

But yeah, delete phone numbers. Establish a support network of people to call on when you're feeling bad/cravings. Try to get moving if you can. Tire the mind and body if possible. Do something productive, as you will be happy that you did! Lots of support here on BL for you if nothing else. Some minor herbs like valerian and kava might help you calm down, but I'd resort to them only as a final means. Best to work with your own chemicals. Let us know how you're doing, and remember that we're rooting for you!

 

[RC-Lover123]

I had pretty bad cravings this last weekend, really really wanted to go and eat those fresh poppy pods growing in a park nearby. I vividly imagined the bitter, burning taste of the poppy latex running down my throat, getting the stomach into that warm glowing state when the morphine first finds its way into my bloodstream. I love that bitter taste so much. Ahhhhhrggghhh...

I resisted but I got myself some decent weed and a bottle of good Irish whiskey and got totally wasted on both that evening. That was good enough for my addict brain and the poppy cravings stopped. Not sure whether this is healthy behavior, addiction wise, but some booze and weed are certainly better for me than to relapse with that evil plant.

 

[Sweet Jane78]

So something I learnt in outpatient rehab is that individual cravings only really last a maximum of 20 minutes in time. Obviously it's possible to have back to back ones which sucks, but it's good to remind yourself that if you simply continue to distract yourself it will pass.

I second the other responders suggestion about losing the number. I stupidly refused to change my number for the first 2 or so years I did outpatient and one day while on the phone to a friend I got a text from a dealer I hadn't spoken to in half a year advertising their product. I was immediately triggered and asked my friend to call me, and he told me now was probably the right time to bite the bullet and swap numbers. I agreed and went and did it the next day.

My old social worker once gave me this really great piece of advice. Often, once we've made the decision to use then using becomes inevitable. But what if, instead of deciding whether or not to use you decide whether or not to do something else, something which if you decide not to do it, makes using impossible and isn't as hard as choosing to use or not. He suggested things like 'im going to choose not to put shoes on' which meant I couldn't leave the house. Or 'im going to choose not to withdraw any cash' which means I can't pay for the drugs. Maybe even 'im not going to get dressed in my clothes' which does admittedly result in sitting around naked but definitely ensures that you won't be leaving your front door any time soon.

Basically, if it's too hard for you to choose to use or not, make the choice easier.

That's my advice.

I like your ideas. The whole thing about deleting the number is that I’ve done that in the past, but after awhile it was easy enough to find him on Facebook and get it again.

 

[Opi_Kid_Rock]

I like your ideas. The whole thing about deleting the number is that I’ve done that in the past, but after awhile it was easy enough to find him on Facebook and get it again.

I guess "deleting the plug" should be interpreated metaphorically then. To delete the plug from our conscience; the decision to do as such.

 

[Jabberwocky]

So something I learnt in outpatient rehab is that individual cravings only really last a maximum of 20 minutes in time. Obviously it's possible to have back to back ones which sucks, but it's good to remind yourself that if you simply continue to distract yourself it will pass.

I second the other responders suggestion about losing the number. I stupidly refused to change my number for the first 2 or so years I did outpatient and one day while on the phone to a friend I got a text from a dealer I hadn't spoken to in half a year advertising their product. I was immediately triggered and asked my friend to call me, and he told me now was probably the right time to bite the bullet and swap numbers. I agreed and went and did it the next day.

My old social worker once gave me this really great piece of advice. Often, once we've made the decision to use then using becomes inevitable. But what if, instead of deciding whether or not to use you decide whether or not to do something else, something which if you decide not to do it, makes using impossible and isn't as hard as choosing to use or not. He suggested things like 'im going to choose not to put shoes on' which meant I couldn't leave the house. Or 'im going to choose not to withdraw any cash' which means I can't pay for the drugs. Maybe even 'im not going to get dressed in my clothes' which does admittedly result in sitting around naked but definitely ensures that you won't be leaving your front door any time soon.

Basically, if it's too hard for you to choose to use or not, make the choice easier.

That's my advice.

Funny u said that, i just got a crazy intense craving and it went away after i made a smoothie
U must have been in a decent outpatient, mine was laughable at best, cruel at worst

 

[Jabberwocky]

Are you truly ready to stop using? Ask yourself. Understand WHY you want to stop. It’s important to understand that you’ll probably never feel as good as you did high.

When you do decide you truly want to stop, it’s important to go all-in with your attempt as with most things in life that are worthwhile. Deleting the phone number is a step in the right direction to stop. Getting onto Opiate Replacement Therapy is a very viable path. Combine that with therapy/ meetings such as SMART Recovery, NA, Lifering reinforces thought patterns. Do you believe you need trauma counselling?

Sobriety is very much about self-knowledge, self-acceptance, and self-discovery in my opinion. I hope you’re able to find the answers to these important questions.

With peace and love.

Lol i think i am, ive wanted to do it for years now, but whenever i get more than a few weeks im like nah this sucks

I go to AA and church only because i do not trusts non christian approaches to recovery, and i especially do not trust people who talk badly about God.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Put little barriers in between being able to get the substance. Anything that requires your conscious mind to solve even a minor problem. This prevents the subconscience from just floating auto pilot to acquiring what ever chemical its into. Little barriers, that you yourself can erect. Things like keep your money in the bank and ditch your atm card for a little while. Really anything that prevents you from being able to instantly make that soul destroying move. little barriers, take all your dealers numbers out of you phone and write them down instead, with other numbers and stash them in a pain in the ass place to get, safe for a day that will never come.

When we reach point with many substances ,especially opiates and others, we spend our lives trying to feel as decent 10% of the time as we would 95% if we completely kicked and actively treated our addiction to a prolonged remission.

If methadone isn't holding you then I don't think there is much left but misery on the opiate road. Its been spent and will never come back. At this point you can abstain for years and if you take it back up your tolerance will explode forward to the lervel its currently at in weeks given regular use.

Cravings use so much manipulation, but Its fantasy, that never really happened, it only lives in your mind and is wielded by your subconscious to get you to do what it wants. Sounds bat shit nuts right. it's not our memory of use, especially during a crave is pure fantasy. Its a strong manipulation.

Look at what active addiction actually is. Its hell, not that fake ass paradise our minds like to dangle on the barbed hook.

late stage opiate addiction and dependence is one of the worst experiences on the planet.. not some amazing state to be longed for and missed.

Haha im about to try that phone number thing, just hiding that shit where i will be too lazy to look for it

No, i dont think it sounds batshit, i totally get it. Sometimes i tell myself that all of it is fake, and deep down i know it, which makes me hella sad when i use. But if only i could keep that in mind at all times...

 

[Jabberwocky]

I'm lucky to not have super cravings. I was probably mildly or moderately addicted in the past, but I was always able to pull myself back in somehow. I think that maybe you cna put yourself in a relaxed state through meditation and decide in that headspace what to do about things. I am nothing without my meditation, tbh. It's helped me so much. It can help you control that animal part of your brain to bring your neocortex back into the fold (no pun intended, but probably only with neurobio knowledge catch the pun).

But yeah, delete phone numbers. Establish a support network of people to call on when you're feeling bad/cravings. Try to get moving if you can. Tire the mind and body if possible. Do something productive, as you will be happy that you did! Lots of support here on BL for you if nothing else. Some minor herbs like valerian and kava might help you calm down, but I'd resort to them only as a final means. Best to work with your own chemicals. Let us know how you're doing, and remember that we're rooting for you!

Whats wrong with the herbs? I was thinking of valerian or others that can be made into tea because sometimes they work. But if there are heavy adverse effects then fuck it

 

[Jabberwocky]

I like your ideas. The whole thing about deleting the number is that I’ve done that in the past, but after awhile it was easy enough to find him on Facebook and get it again.

My point exactly???? Like i know where she lives so whats the point lol

 

[Jabberwocky]

I had pretty bad cravings this last weekend, really really wanted to go and eat those fresh poppy pods growing in a park nearby. I vividly imagined the bitter, burning taste of the poppy latex running down my throat, getting the stomach into that warm glowing state when the morphine first finds its way into my bloodstream. I love that bitter taste so much. Ahhhhhrggghhh...

I resisted but I got myself some decent weed and a bottle of good Irish whiskey and got totally wasted on both that evening. That was good enough for my addict brain and the poppy cravings stopped. Not sure whether this is healthy behavior, addiction wise, but some booze and weed are certainly better for me than to relapse with that evil plant.

Substituting with something else works for alot of people so if u dont have a real problem with alcohol and weed... Nvm you could very well develop one. Im just super careful with those two since half thepeople i know have or once had a problem with them, and i do despise weed and alcohol culture.

 

[Jabberwocky]

I guess "deleting the plug" should be interpreated metaphorically then. To delete the plug from our conscience; the decision to do as such.

Idk if this was meant to be funny but i watch too much south park and it made me lol in a good way

 

[Pissed_and_messed]

Funny u said that, i just got a crazy intense craving and it went away after i made a smoothie
U must have been in a decent outpatient, mine was laughable at best, cruel at worst

I've started smoothies now I don't drink coffee or beer (this particular moment, I drank coffee 4 hours ago tho, I might more tomorrow, who knows, but this moment I choose not to and am intenting to carry on that way).

Pretty sugary but fine as replacement therapy.

Whats wrong with the herbs? I was thinking of valerian or others that can be made into tea because sometimes they work. But if there are heavy adverse effects then fuck it

Can't say 'bout kava but valerian is at worst minor mistake (given that you have breaks every now and then, 3 months daily is longest time on stuff documented in study to be somewhat acceptable health-wise, and have no medications contraindicating it or wtf was the fucking term fuck I prolly have brain damage).

Drugs just do things. You might or might not want it. And they influence your thinking. I can see why the idea was questioned, but I dunno really if there is right and wrong on this one. Go ahead if you feel like it.