EVERYBODY cheats!

[Pippin]

I'm sorry I know that wasnt a very constructive post but I literally feel sick...

 

[wizekrak]

I think it's bad form to intentially break up a relationship. Tempting someone in a commited relationship to cheat isn't cool, it amounts to predation of the worst kind in my book.

 

[Beatlebot]

So.... Are we saying that it is also up to people outside our relatioship to make sure we don't cheat on our partner?

Let's make a hypothetical. You're at a bar with your married friend and he/she starts flirting outrageously with some nubile young thing. As the night wears on it becomes apparent that your friend is planning to cheat on their partner. They ask you to help make up a cover story for why they will be so late home.

Do you help? Do you ignore them? Or do you actively step in and tell them not to cheat?

And if you do anything other than cockblock them, how are you any better than Psychubus?

Just curious.

 

[Tylerdurden]

When you people get over your emotional responses to the thread-starter, you can sit back and think that you can never own the person you love, and you can think that often times society can instill into us the desire to have, by all appearances, the 'perfect' relationship, as if it were an asset to our personal worth, while we forget to listen to our partner, and prefer to keep up appearances rather than face reality.

Remember, it takes two to tango, and pointing out the low morals of the poster has nothing to do with the fact that your hypothetical SO cheated. If she wasn't around, it would have happened with someone else.

Sometimes a healthy dose of skeptic cynicism is necessary, think Ebay, if something is too good to be true, it probably is. Before you go saying that I must be bitter about previous experiences, I can assure you that I am in a happy open relationship, and have always been in open relationships, get over the wet dream of owning exclusive rights your spouse and you'll be much happier.

 

[wizekrak]

^^^
That's not necessarily true. I don't know many people who would take 6 months to get a person to cheat. So if they weren't around it's pretty rare that another party would have invested 6 months into it. Many people can ward off temptation for a short period of time, but 6 months of brainwashing can take it's toll.

As for the friend cheating, I'd take them aside and remind them of what they're risking, if they ignore my advice then they lie in the bed they make.

 

[Strawberry_lovemuffin]

I already have no delusions about my partner because we have both cheated on each other. And in a way - I'm glad.

Of course i't's sad because - as Beatlebot said - there's a sense of "there's no Santa Claus" anymore, that 'perfect' image you hoped was true isn't. But in a warped way I'm also glad because I have a more realistic view of him now. I know he's human; I'm not wandering round with illusions in my head of him as a god or a paragon of virtue. He's capable of things. I'm capable of things. What matters now is our choices.

I agree with the OP, although I may not agree with her methods. Many men (and women?), under many, many circumstances are capable of cheating. Most buildings are capable of toppling over if we apply enough pressure too, hit them with enough objects or subject them to extremes of natural disasters. But generally, we don't subject buildings to extreme pressure, and generally, smart people stay out of situations in which their relationship will be subject to such pressure.

(and, generally, we hope - they don't encounter Psycubuses )

So where does this leave relationships?, as Beatlebot posed. Well... I guess you limit opportunities for temptation, and you nourish your relationship the best you can with kindness, communication and respect so your building's foundations are strong.

And you weather the storms. And that's all any of us can do.

 

[DigitalDuality]

When you people get over your emotional responses to the thread-starter, you can sit back and think that you can never own the person you love, and you can think that often times society can instill into us the desire to have, by all appearances, the 'perfect' relationship, as if it were an asset to our personal worth, while we forget to listen to our partner, and prefer to keep up appearances rather than face reality.

Remember, it takes two to tango, and pointing out the low morals of the poster has nothing to do with the fact that your hypothetical SO cheated. If she wasn't around, it would have happened with someone else.

Sometimes a healthy dose of skeptic cynicism is necessary, think Ebay, if something is too good to be true, it probably is. Before you go saying that I must be bitter about previous experiences, I can assure you that I am in a happy open relationship, and have always been in open relationships, get over the wet dream of owning exclusive rights your spouse and you'll be much happier.

I don't think i own anyone, maybe as a teen i had possesive tendencies but that i'm completely over. And the ones who cheated are just as guilty, if not more so. Though they didn't go out 30 times just to see if they could interfere in a relationship.

I know it's not a popular opinion to the "rational" on bluelight.. but this is partially why i stay locked away in my apartment most of the time. I tire of people's lack of respect for one another, i tire of people's lack of loyalty, i tire of people's lack of devotion in a relationship, lack of effort and flat out laziness and this jaded out look of writing it off "that's reality". Duh, no shit.

I am no perfect model and don't expect anyone to be. Nor any relationship to be. I really don't. But i'm not one to make excuses for what i find morally irrehensible. In fact i attack it.. not only do i attack it in others but the urges to act as such within myself. There's more important things in this world than my own personal desires, what's good for the moment.. like.. how this might emotionally (or otherwise) effect someone i've befriended or ended up in a relationship with.

Aspects such as cheating, lying, ...are unforgivable in my personal life. 100% unforgivable. Don't even expect an arguement out of me.. b/c if said person does it.. they're dead to me. I don't feel like wasting my time or energy on someone who betrays my trust. Its made known pretty well upfront to. There are just simply lines you do not cross with me. This isn't a reaction of "ownership". This is a matter of two people mutally devoting themselves to each other. If one person breaks it... ce la vie. If one no longer wants it.. or no longer values it the way in which is acceptable to the other.. then fuck that person.

And i do take the issue really personally. I look around and see more failed marriages than working ones. I see children who are barely parented worth a damn b/c they're in a single parent home and the single parent is busting their ass just to support two or three or more people. I look around and see teenagers as young as 13 and adults as old with 60 brimming with insecurity and unable to trust people. I have a long long list of friends.. who just simply stabbed me in the back, a long long list of girls who have cheated. I'm not really apprehensive about trusting people suprisingly. I'm just tired of exerting the effort. And i just tire of a world.. where people don't have the common decency, respect, and faith in the relationships that they hold with one another (not necessarily romantic) to treat each other worth a shit. I truly am just fucking sick of it. Sick of it in my own life..and sick of seeing it plague everyone else's.

People perpetuating drama, and habitually projecting sadness, frustrations, pain, onto others is both reality and should be looked at pragmatically ..but should also be gravely frowned upon. And frankly i think most people today are far too cynical to frown on it any longer. For the most part.. it's shrugged off as long as it's not happening to them. Typical of the tv and internet and video game generation desensitized to the nth degree.

I'm a pretty opinionated person overall..but this... this is what i'm militant about. So yeah.. when someone comes in my face. .or online boasting like a proud peacock of their 30 home-wrecking conquests..i'm going to attack them. I dont understand why treating people like they're worth more than your own personal entertainment is such a hard concept to grasp. I just simply refuse to.. or support.. people treating others like they're fucking disposable when a good amount of time, energy, emotion, and even trust and faith has been put forth. And i don't really agree with outsiders disrupting that.

If a relationship is going to fail... let it fail. Don't be the reason it fails, don't give it the extra push. It's not your fucking concern, regardless of your selfish wants. The husbands in this girl's scenario are far more at fault.

As to BB.. unless it's a mutually agreed upon open relationship... someone cheating is not a good lover..regardless of the illusion the SO is buying day in and day out. They're SO is in love with a lie. It's that simple.. an illusion. And while the parenting may not slip up.. it's a hell of thing for your kids to find out about you. Sure does instill those "family values" and lessons on how to treat others from the get go.

I don't expect a fairy tale, i don't expect perfection. I expect fights, i expect both parties having some wrong doing throughout the course of a relationship. I expect hard times, i expect insecurities, i expect tears, to some degree.. i even expect someone throwing shit in a fit of anger. I don't buy into the whole image of what a relationship and / or marriage is supposed to be, i don't buy into gender roles for the most part. I'm not concerned with "Santa Claus" (a fantasy). What i am concerned about.. is basic freaking decency. If someone can't uphold that.. they won't be a part of my life. Ever.

People can have a lackidasical attitude about it all they want, that's there life and fine. But that'll never be me. Maybe i'm an idealist, maybe i'm out of line. So be it.

 

[Sphinx (Afterlife)]

Not everybody cheats. What kinda stupid crackwhore basehead kinda statement is that?

Becuase you fucked 30 men you know how all men act? Sorry toots but theres over 3 BILLION men in this world, 30/3,000,000,000 isnt enough to make ANY conclusion. Not to mention these men were prolly all american or whatever country you live in. People act differently with different morals in different countries, for example in the USA chicks think its cool to makeout with another chick, but in Colombia that kind of thing will lead your father into beating your brains out onto the asphalt while screaming how his daughter has failed him and dishonored the entire family and must now die because the level of shame her family will be burdened with everytime they see her is too unbearable to let her exist anymore

Ive never cheated and I know for a FACT that I never will. Because sex is one of the least important things to me in life.


I think you should be ashamed of yourself, for banging so many men that your pussy lips now spread open in a mid summer nights breeze. You've disgraced your entire womanhood. You are now just an expendable vaginal orifice... congrats, better luck next life, oh wait, there isnt another life, you lose!

 

[Khadijah]

Everybody does NOT fuckin cheat.

The belief that everyone DOES is just another thing that shows why peoples relationships are so fucked up these days. peopole expcet that everyone does it, so its OK.

Fuck that shit.

If youre gonna be in a relationship do it with fuckin HONOR AND RESPECT.

If you dont honor or respect your partner theres nothing to keep you from cheating other than love, and if you know theyll forgive you since 'everybody cheats' theres not much incentive to stay loyal to them now is there.

I been in a relationship for the past 3 years solid and I have NEVER cheated and my man aint either. laugh if you want people like hahaha she thinks her man aint cheated, but i know.

We trust each other we respect each other and we honor our relationship and our love for each other by not cheating.

and i dont see that fact that we DONT cheat as special or exceptional like im so much better than yall. its just that my definition OF a relationship is YOU DONT CHEAT. theres no question there is no ifs or whatever, its just part of the rules. the same way that in my life its a cardinal rule, you dont snitch, you dont cheat. thats just how it is, its the facts of the matter, if i dont wanna play by those rules, i dont play at all.

I dont cheat cuz i love respect and value my man, and no matter how much there might be temptations along the way, and believe me i try to not even SEE other dudes, i dont show off as much as a bra strap, but you cant help but notice when someone else is fly as hell, when another dude is fine. and i see that. but i dont act on it, and i just ignore it, because i know what i value more.

I dont flirt with other guys. i dont lead other guys on. i know alot of women here see it as perfectly acceptable to flirt with their guy friends 'as long as they dont do anything' but to me, there is NO FUCKING REASON to show that type of interest to anyone but one person, the one i am with. AS far as anyone else is concerned, I aint got tits. I aint got a butt. I aint a sexual being. there is only one person who that shit matters to, and only one person who will see taste or experience that. its no one elses business.

I treat a relationship with a extreme amount of reverence. it aint something you just throw away. it took this long for me to gain someones trust, and for me to trust this person. it took this long for me to stop being so hard that i coudlnt even experience love at all. it took this long to become happy and able to interact with anoter person with my whole true self unafriad to talk about anything and everything, complete 100% trust and security.

Why would i ever even think to break that. it aint even in my mind. it aint even something to consider.

Why i dont cheat?

All im doing is what is expected of me, and what i expect of myself.

I respect my man but more importantly i respect myself.

 

[miss starry]

So.... Are we saying that it is also up to people outside our relatioship to make sure we don't cheat on our partner?

Let's make a hypothetical. You're at a bar with your married friend and he/she starts flirting outrageously with some nubile young thing. As the night wears on it becomes apparent that your friend is planning to cheat on their partner. They ask you to help make up a cover story for why they will be so late home.

Do you help? Do you ignore them? Or do you actively step in and tell them not to cheat?

And if you do anything other than cockblock them, how are you any better than Psychubus?

Just curious.

What makes me angry about the OP isn't the fact that she got married/commited men to cheat. Obviously, people often cheat on their spouses, and the men who cheated with the OP are still completely accountable for their actions in my book. It's just her intentions, and the ways she went about pursuing these men, that I find so disturbing.

As for your questions and hypothetical scenario. I personally would not assist a friend in coming up with a cover-story to hide their cheating, nor would I actively attempt to stop them from cheating if they were hell-bent on it. I might try to get them home if they were drunk and making a fool of themselves, but that's about it. It's not the responsibility of outsiders to police the behavior of people in a committed relationship. However, I would be critical of someone who encouraged their friend to cheat, or someone who purposely seduced married or unavailable people in order to increase their own self-worth.

 

[DigitalDuality]

As for your questions and hypothetical scenario. I personally would not assist a friend in coming up with a cover-story to hide their cheating, nor would I actively attempt to stop them from cheating if they were hell-bent on it. I might try to get them home if they were drunk and making a fool of themselves, but that's about it. It's not the responsibility of outsiders to police the behavior of people in a committed relationship. However, I would be critical of someone who encouraged their friend to cheat, or someone who purposely seduced married or unavailable people in order to increase their own self-worth.

Agreed

 

[AlphaCharlieID]

I have never cheated, never will, i am loyal, and faithful, My current partner is the same, i trust him more then anything, he is a great catch, i do not worry he will cheat on me, i know im safe.

I have the faith that if my partner did ever tell me he wanted to try somethign different, or he isnt happy with the way we are going, that he will talk to me about it.

It's people like you who make me greatly disappointed in humanity.

But conragts on changing... not often that happens.

 

[AmorRoark]

Just my twopennethworth...

I've been with the same person for 11 years, never cheated and yes I've had 'come-ons' before, all the way from subtle ploys to a woman grabbing my dick through my jeans and saying "I bet I can get all of it into my mouth". Now I'm not saying that I wouldn't have cheated with every woman I've had a relationship with, but in the case of my wife, I knew it was a non-starter. There are times when you get into a relationship and you know it's not going to be long term, but I've only once ever had the feeling that I'd met someone who was the person I was looking for. That's in terms of physically, intellectually, socially and even (though I don't like the term) spiritually. It's just the feeling that you couldn't find anyone else more attuned to who you are (and I think that after 11 years I'd know). We have had rough patches, but nothing that remembering to communicate wouldn't fix.

Now I know that there are a lot of blokes that will always think with their dick first, but that isn't every bloke; some actually have found someone that they're totally happy with - it took me a long time, but now I've found that person I'm not likely to risk it all for a night of shagging someone 'just because they're different'. I'm sorry, but saying everbody cheats is a bit of a sweeping generalization considering (if you want to be scientific about it) the population size of your study.

This is very encouraging... it warms my heart to hear about you and your wife's devotion to one another.

Now, in terms of the subject, I think someone else may have pointed this out already but after I read the inital post I was immidiately reminded that sick people consciously and subconsciously pick out partners that they know they can prey on. For example, abusers (of all sorts) pick out enablers, most are not aware of this. But you seemed pretty aware of all the games you were playing; this, I think, is pretty goddamned disgusting.

I don't think people would be attacking your "character" so much if you felt some sort of shame for the decietful method you did your experiment. You've heard of ethics, correct? I think you broke just about every ethical demension that all experimenters should follow, so sorry, your "study" is flawed to begin with... was it worth it babydoll?

 

[princess_kitti]

My own opinion? It could quite possibly be true. I find the older I get, and the more my peers become married and settled down, the more I find men who are more than willing to cheat on their wives/ girlfriends.

Before you all freak, they come onto me, and I turn them down. However I know that they keep trying and they will eventually find a woman who won't turn them down.

These aren't 'bad' men either, but loving partners and sometimes good dads. Their SO wouldn't have a clue.

EXACTLY what i was going to say .... in the past few weeks, i have ONLY had attached guys come onto me - and believe me theres been quite a few ... i can't do it either so they get sent back to their partners quick smart ..... but it does make me wonder and it also makes me very unwilling to put that kind of trust in someone

 

[*Venus*]

I can't reply to this seriously, I just cannot.

Glad you changed, living the life of a bottom feeder would be highly unsatisfying to me as well.

 

[quiet roar]

Let's make a hypothetical. You're at a bar with your married friend and he/she starts flirting outrageously with some nubile young thing. As the night wears on it becomes apparent that your friend is planning to cheat on their partner. They ask you to help make up a cover story for why they will be so late home.

Do you help? Do you ignore them? Or do you actively step in and tell them not to cheat?

And if you do anything other than cockblock them, how are you any better than Psychubus?

Just curious.

Agreed with your first post 100% but you can't compare your scenario above to what she did - she wasn't allowing something to happen but doing her upmost to make sure it happened - she worked on people for months, FFS.

Don't get me wrong, I do not think getting some on the side is that big a deal and I am aware that the vast majority will cheat at some time in their lives but to make it your mission in life to corrupt as many people as possible is pretty sad, IMHO. Not sure whether I am glad or not that it has fucked up any chance she had of being in a happy realtionship - I guess it's probably a good thing.

 

[kittyinthedark]

I have never cheated, nor will I ever. If I'm at a point where I'd consider cheating, I'd already have broken up with them....

You can count me as another counterexample to "everyone."

 

[syymphonatic]

I've cheated. i was in a bad relationship and i tried so many ways to end it, unsuccessfully. this guy didn't even take me seriously when i told him i never wanted to see him or talk to him again in my life.

i was trying to find a way to get out, and didn't know any other ways.
i'm not saying it's justified, but i was trying every option i thought of.


i won't ever do it again. even in my situation, the regret was overwhelming.
i've had the opportunity in front of me countless times, and i've turned it down.
i'm another one who isn't an "everybody."

and to the original poster... i can't believe you can live with yourself knowing how many lives you potentially destroyed in the name of a thinly disguised "experiment."
i could see it being an experiment if you did it a few times to see what would happen. maybe even if you got in the position where you were about to cause a man to cheat and then called it off.
the fact that you took it THAT FAR is borderline sadistic.
karma, baby.

 

[Izel]

Psychopath - A person with an antisocial personality disorder, manifested in aggressive, perverted, criminal, or amoral behavior without empathy or remorse.

Seek help bitch.

 

[Beatlebot]

Agreed with your first post 100% but you can't compare your scenario above to what she did - she wasn't allowing something to happen but doing her upmost to make sure it happened - she worked on people for months, FFS.

Yes, I see what you are saying. I guess in part I'm just reacting to the venom in some people's posts about this and I'm trying to reason out the matter.

And as for her working on people for months, up to six months she said, the way I see it is that the man in the equation had six months to cotton onto what she was up to. It wouldn't be that hard to figure out she was a potential threat to his existing relationship and to put some distance in there. It's not that hard. However if we are to believe her, then these men did not do that.

They had a choice.

Don't get me wrong, I do not think getting some on the side is that big a deal and I am aware that the vast majority will cheat at some time in their lives but to make it your mission in life to corrupt as many people as possible is pretty sad, IMHO. Not sure whether I am glad or not that it has fucked up any chance she had of being in a happy realtionship - I guess it's probably a good thing.

Well you are spot on there. If you set out to find the worst in people then no doubt you will find it. Now she may never be able to forget it.