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Good looking Vs Intelligence

This thread has made it clear to me that emotional intelligence is just as important, if not more important, to me. Someone like Petersko epitomises this: he expresses himself modestly, but is clearly self-aware. Then I read what Fallen1 wrote above (post #3086190, too long to quote it) in contrast, and I see someone who is probably high in traditional intelligence, but lacks emotional intelligence (sorry to use you as a negative example Fallen1, but it seemed like you were trolling to me so I figured, why not).

The guiding principle of life for me is equilibrium. I like people who have a healthy mix of personality traits and who are physically appealing, as long as one attribute doesn't significantly overshadow the remainder.
 
^^ Right on, I think emotional intellegence is probably the most important quality for relationships. If you're a rocket scientist that talks about rockets in technical terms every waking moment of your life and shows no concern for any other interest or concern of others that isn't related to rockets, than all the IQ points in the world probably won't translate into being perceived as attractive (except by other equally nerdy female rocket scientists).
 
aunty establishment said:
who are physically appealing, as long as one attribute doesn't significantly overshadow the remainder.
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Excuse me, but could you please explain this a little further? Do you mean if someone's best feature is very prominment (for instance: very quick mind for intelligence or great eyes for physical attractiveness) that this is a negative? Excuse me for being blunt, but it sounds like you just said this because it sounded like something that should follow your equilibrium statement.
 
HobbyIsBowling: what I meant is that someone shouldn't focus on their looks to the detriment of developing facets to their personality, but nor should their braininess preclude them from making friends and being a kind, loving person.

I didn't think you were being blunt, BTW :) (although my kindness towards you may be moderated by your Big Lebowski username/avatar combo, so clearly I've not achieved equilibrium ;))
 
aunty establishment said:
Someone like Petersko epitomises this: he expresses himself modestly, but is clearly self-aware.
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Thank you for the compliment! Well, I'm in my 30's now. I'd like to think that for most people self-awareness improves with age.

I'm reasonably high on the traditional intelligence scale (145 IQ), but the older I become, the more I realize - as you did - that emotional intelligence is every bit as important. Day to day, undoubtedly more so.

The Meyers Briggs analysis has me nailed. This Is Me.

The Test takes about 5 minutes, and I think most people will be surprised at how neatly they fit a profile.
 
^^^
You are SO an S, not an N. I would bet good money on it! I would consider taking a more in depth test (there are tons online and more professional paid tests available as well) if you want to explore that more...I have never incorrectly judged someones N/S score. Not saying I'm perfect, but I have a very good record.

I can't judge I/E from online interactions but the T and J parts sound spot on.

For the record I'm an ENTJ.
 
Aunty Establishment: Thats quite alright, I almost agree with you. I am most certainly the cynical and condescending type, as mentioned by Petersko. You assume I'm trolling? In the sense that I am looking to irritate people so that they speak their minds? I would have thought that would suggest I have emotional intelligence, but am not necessarily interested in making people feel comfortable. I guess it all depends on motive. Do I speak the way I do because I dont know it will upset people, or because I want them to think about why they do things a little more?
 
I like looks and admire brains but most of all i love a lady who can flirt and make me smile xxx
 
You are SO an S, not an N. I would bet good money on it! I
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You'd lose! Seriously, I'm most definitely an iNTj. I've done 7 of these, and every one came back iNTj. Not to mention the fact that the description fits me like a glove.
 
I'm reasonably high on the traditional intelligence scale (145 IQ), but the older I become, the more I realize - as you did - that emotional intelligence is every bit as important. Day to day, undoubtedly more so.
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Yep, IQ is a measure of your logical problem solving abilities in various fields but has very little relation to your ability to interact with other people. People with high IQ's can still be total fuck-ups in terms of social interaction (think Prof Frink from the Simpsons). IQ measurement is great if you live in an ivory castle and never have to interact with the outside world, but it doesn't count for a lot when it comes to interacting with others (unless you apply that rigourous intellect to understanding why you don't get on with people!)

Did one of those IQ evaluation tests at uni, but at the time I was still something of a social misfit (came out at 157). Since then I've most probably shaved quite a few points off due to my liking for chemically altered states, but I'm able to get on with people a lot better through spending the time to understand what makes people tick, and avoiding unconciously insulting/winding them up or just plain withdrawing from social contact
 
Fallen1 - I'm willing to bet good money that you have a massive superiority complex AND an equally massive inferiority complex.

And, I suspect, few real friends.

I'm sorry if that sounds excessively derogatory, but I know three people with exactly your mindset. All are alone, and none fit anywhere, socially speaking.
 
Fallen1 said:
Do I speak the way I do because I dont know it will upset people, or because I want them to think about why they do things a little more?
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I'm not sure! I'm sure you hope it's the latter and you inadvertently cause the former :)

IMO you need to be careful when you use this approach, since people often interpret things differently to how you intend them. If you always try to be provocative, people will tag you as "that provocative guy" and may dismiss you as a shit-stirrer. There are lots of great ways to get people to reconsider their position, and IMO the best ones involve making the person think it was their own idea to change. Nobody likes having an opinion or fact shoved down their throat :)
 
It shouldn't really be a shocker that the closer someone gets to the top of the intelligence scale, the more difficulty they have interacting with others. My opinion is that it has nothing to do with "emotional intelligence," i.e. there are plenty of very smart people who have no problem whatsoever comprehending and interpreting the ubiquitous "complex social situation."

But maybe they have no desire to interact with stupid people? The stupid person points and says "aha you have so little EQ you smartypants." But maybe the smart person just doesn't want to talk to them. Maybe their only options are 1) manipulate the stupid person, depriving both parties of genuine interaction, or 2) overexplain everything (from the perspective of the smart person) which is more annoying and takes more effort than speaking to an intellectual equal. It's also more draining and annoying to avoid rudely cutting off a stupid person when they're spewing nonsense or things you already know. Maybe all options seem unsavory...

The most effective interactors probably have to expend the least effort to relate to others. So they're most likely of approximately average intelligence and able to easily relate to the broadest percentage of a given group of people. Just a theory...
 
Petersko: is it actually possible to have both at once? Are you saying I feel inferior to everyone and superior at the same time? Its possible, it just seems.... unlikely. Or are you saying that I feel superior to some, and inferior to others? That makes more sense to me, but if that is the case, I'm not sure the word complex is accurate.

You are correct that the number of real friends I have can be counted on one, or at most two, hands. On the other hand, I've been friends with most of them for over 10 years, so I see it as a trade-off. Quantity vs quality. Those that I have will be there for each other, which I prefer to people who make the right noises but dont follow through with their actions.

And don't worry about offending me, I asked for opinions, if I didn't want to hear the answers I wouldnt have asked the question. Gives me stuff to think about.

Aunty Establishment: Its the use of the word inadvertent I disagree with. :p

The Word: Bingo. My personal opinion is that life is to short to spend it explaining things to stupid people. Thus, I try and base most, if not all, of my social interactions around conversing with smart people. I realize how horribly elitist this is, and how many potential friends it costs me, and you know what? I consider it a blessing. The concept of being friends with stupid people scares me. The idea of having to talk patiently to them and try not to roll my eyes when they open their mouth makes me lose any desire I might otherwise have to be friends. Basically, I believe that like water, people find their own level. If you hang around with stupid people, they dont help you learn, they just drag you down to their level. I used to live with a thoroughly stupid man for six months, and the boredom and frustration attached to him were beyond ridiculous. If you can't think for yourself, I don't want to know you.
 
Here's the thing. People generally have different tastes in beauty. People generally consider people who are "intelligent" as someone who they PERCEIVE to be of equal or greater intellect than them, and people who are "dumb" are generally people who they PERCEIVE to be stupider than them.

I for one, don't want to be with an ugly person. Nor do I want to be with an idiot. But I sometimes compromise--the better looking he is, the more of an idiot I allow him to be. The worse looking he is, the more he must compensate for it by personality. This is why the stereotype that "ugly people are funny/smart," "smart people are stupid/annoying," stereotype exists, but the truth is, I've met some ugly fuckers who are stupid as fuck, and I've met some beautiful people who have a lot of wisdom. Beauty can earn you some points, but in life we all go through some shit, so to say that really isn't fair.
 
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Petersko: is it actually possible to have both at once?
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Absolutely.

Are you saying I feel inferior to everyone and superior at the same time? Its possible, it just seems.... unlikely. Or are you saying that I feel superior to some, and inferior to others? That makes more sense to me, but if that is the case, I'm not sure the word complex is accurate.
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I could be totally off base. After all, I'm not a psychiatist. Having said that, let me give it a whirl and you can tell me I'm wrong. I've been wrong before, and I'll be wrong again.

I'll bet you are keenly aware of your "intelligence", and think about it a lot. Nothing really wrong there. Traditionally intelligent people generally know they're intelligent. Of course, you've gone past that a bit, and hence the superiority complex. When you start believing it necessary to correct people and put them in their place because they're stupid, you're well into the danger zone - and you're not behaving intelligently at all.

I'll also bet that you're frequently stymied by the mundane. Relationships, especially. The great perceived burden of being so smart when so many people are stupid, combined with your need to lash out makes you unpalatable to most people. The world isn't going to bow to your big brain. And if you continue to work against that massive wheel that is the world, it'll crush you.

I think you may feel inadequate in many ways, and hence the inferiority complex. Hence the need to make sure everybody knows how smart and right you are. Overcompensation. Like putting forward the tough, "I don't give a damn what people think" front. Clearly you do care, or you wouldn't be forcing your perceived best feature in their faces.

What exactly is smart about forcing other people to bend to your superior knowledge? What's your point?

I sat across from a guy at a party last week. He was telling everybody a clear urban legend as if it were the gospel truth, claiming to know the people in question.

From your writing I can tell what your course of action would have been. Mine was to enjoy the tale, because really, when it comes down to it, by showing my big brain and wide knowledge all I would have done is rob people of the enjoyment of the story, and cause a confrontation.

When people are wrong about things that don't involve important decisions, there's no requirement that they be corrected.

So, how'd I do? 10%? 90%?
 
i find intelligence far more important. though of course i appreciate beauty along with the best of us.....i have less respect for someone who shows no intelligence (and i'm not just talking academic - that could include creativity, or a really cool special talent) whereas i could definitely still have respect for someone who is less attractive. talents/intelligence can make the plainest person incredibly attractive in my eyes. :)

that being said- hey who doesn't want their cake and be able to eat it too - but if it came down to it - i would rather have someone i can listen to for hours than look at ;)
 
I think it's one of those things that depend upon what sort of a mood you're in when you come across people. I've sat quietly while people have spouted utter bollocks, but because they can do it in an amusing fashion, I'm happy to sit back and be entertained. On the other hand, someone spouting bollocks in an arguementative fashion is guarenteed to make me bite.

Whether or not they happen to be good looking/physically attractive has very little influence on how I respond to them; before I met my wife, I can think of at least one occasion where I was talking to a woman I found quite stunning physically, and the prospect of getting passionate and sweaty was a dead cert, but after talking to them for a while, I wasn't interested in that because they were almost stereotypically an airhead in what they were saying.

I know that in the past I've been accused of being too picky in respect of women that I've wanted to have a relationship with (and although I'm not too bad looking, Calvin Kline is never going to want me to model underwear!), but I wanted someone who turned me on both physically and intellectually. Had that not happened, I'd still put someone with whom I could sit and chat intimately/have a laugh with before someone who was pretty to look at, but otherwise wasn't the sharpest tool in the box.

I just consider myself very lucky that I found someone whom I found intelligent and attractive
 
Petersko said:
I sat across from a guy at a party last week. He was telling everybody a clear urban legend as if it were the gospel truth, claiming to know the people in question.

From your writing I can tell what your course of action would have been. Mine was to enjoy the tale, because really, when it comes down to it, by showing my big brain and wide knowledge all I would have done is rob people of the enjoyment of the story, and cause a confrontation.

When people are wrong about things that don't involve important decisions, there's no requirement that they be corrected.
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That's exactly my thoughts spilled eloquently onto a screen. :)

Calling people out often makes you look like a bigger dickhead than them ;) .... gotta time your moments, and do it with a little social grace and tact if it must be done. Hurting people's feelings isn't clever.
 
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