Relapse I relapsed 2 days ago after being opiate free for 15 days.

[FunctionalJnkieGrl]

The kratom was just too expensive and ordering it online just seems like it would be a pain in the ass to keep up with. I switched back to rationing low mg oxy because its surprisingly cheaper that way and I have other financial burdens that need to be dealt with ASAP. Seeing that I only need 2.5mg a night to avoid withdrawals, I'll attempt to quit again at the end of summer (but without the help of kratom if I can avoid it). On top of everything else, I might need to get a couple of fillings. I went my whole life without having dental issues aside from getting braces and my wisdom teeth pulled (which led to my addiction to pain meds 15yrs ago), and now that I tried to recover and my mental state was vulnerable, the timing couldn't have been worse. Funny, an ex-coworker was telling me she has to get most of her teeth pulled (despite the fact that they looked okay). She told me that she never had issues with her teeth until she quit meth. I guess drugs can preserve some health issues or make them go dormant until drug use is stopped. It just sucks that I gotta back to work to pay for dental work. The fact that we're moving in a month to top things off makes my situation more stressful as well. I suppose it was almost inevitable that I would relapse around this time. Funny how things work out. Oh well. Better luck next time. Maybe my life won't be so disorganized by the end of summer.

 

[AngelsandFairiesarereal]

Hey girl, don’t beat yourself up okay. The want is there, the heart is there, the seed is planted

You will get there
Gentle hug

 

[AngelsandFairiesarereal]

Be safe

 

[TheUltimateFixx]

Yeah I would postpone such a major lifestyle change until your overall situation has settled down. Otherwise you're just setting yourself up for failure.

 

[cdin]

get yerself some naltrexone and start pruning those receptors with ULTRA low dose naltrexone - it makes the come off much smoother/the medication work better. I take 25mcg of NALT w any dose of opioids. I was off entirely - now i have a some chronic pain and mental stability issues so im using tiny little doses. Black seed oil is also helpful in this process.

 

[yubacity]

Hey girl, don’t beat yourself up okay. The want is there, the heart is there, the seed is planted

You will get there
Gentle hug

100 per cent this the seed is planted you can get there hard as fuck but the seed is planted

 

[yubacity]

I remember when i first detoxed and relaposed feeling like such a failure but relapse is all part of the process i think it must be more the norm then not

 

[Lil'LinaptkSix]

You was off for over 2 weeks... I would consider that a victory and push ahead. Dont take your eyes off the goal and give 'em hell!

 

[Nas47]

The kratom was just too expensive and ordering it online just seems like it would be a pain in the ass to keep up with. I switched back to rationing low mg oxy because its surprisingly cheaper that way and I have other financial burdens that need to be dealt with ASAP. Seeing that I only need 2.5mg a night to avoid withdrawals, I'll attempt to quit again at the end of summer (but without the help of kratom if I can avoid it). On top of everything else, I might need to get a couple of fillings. I went my whole life without having dental issues aside from getting braces and my wisdom teeth pulled (which led to my addiction to pain meds 15yrs ago), and now that I tried to recover and my mental state was vulnerable, the timing couldn't have been worse. Funny, an ex-coworker was telling me she has to get most of her teeth pulled (despite the fact that they looked okay). She told me that she never had issues with her teeth until she quit meth. I guess drugs can preserve some health issues or make them go dormant until drug use is stopped. It just sucks that I gotta back to work to pay for dental work. The fact that we're moving in a month to top things off makes my situation more stressful as well. I suppose it was almost inevitable that I would relapse around this time. Funny how things work out. Oh well. Better luck next time. Maybe my life won't be so disorganized by the end of summer.

It's happen constantly to most of us.Big deal,don't worry.If u managed to hold on low doses oxy-that's good....just be aware&watch up ur tolerance.peace

 

[cdin]

I remember when i first detoxed and relaposed feeling like such a failure but relapse is all part of the process i think it must be more the norm then not

100%. it took me decades to get to a healthy place with my usage. learning anything, failure is a part of the process. in modern times we have made this a "bad" thing. it is not, you must fail to learn.

 

[FunctionalJnkieGrl]

I appreciate the encouragement, everyone. I need it. On a positive note, I've been keeping my dose at 2.5mg daily. I refuse to fuck that up. Also, the person I get them from said the doc is lowering her dose to 5mg on her next refill. I think he's trying to get her off of them altogether. I'll be cutting those in half then cutting them into 4ths after a while, so I'll be down to 1.25mg eventually. The jump off should be fairly easy from there. Maybe I'll barely withdrawal. I still have 1 other source for 20mg oxycontin and possibly 1 source for 15mg morphine, but I've yet to get in touch with either of them.

 

[silver_lining]

I appreciate the encouragement, everyone. I need it. On a positive note, I've been keeping my dose at 2.5mg daily. I refuse to fuck that up. Also, the person I get them from said the doc is lowering her dose to 5mg on her next refill. I think he's trying to get her off of them altogether. I'll be cutting those in half then cutting them into 4ths after a while, so I'll be down to 1.25mg eventually. The jump off should be fairly easy from there. Maybe I'll barely withdrawal. I still have 1 other source for 20mg oxycontin and possibly 1 source for 15mg morphine, but I've yet to get in touch with either of them.

5mg a day seems so low, i couldn't see an WD's or anything effected by immediate stoppage. I was prescribed 30mg every 3 hours (240mg per day) for 6 months. I dropped down to zero within 2 weeks and barely dealt with any WD. Maybe a lack of motivation, but i was still prettyy fucked up from the accident.

I think its all in your head. Maybe what you really need is a 1-2gram dose of shrooms.

 

[cdin]

I can testify that the last little bit is hard. cPTSD is a beast. get down to 5mg oxy and seek an ibogaine provider that is good.

 

[FunctionalJnkieGrl]

5mg a day seems so low, i couldn't see an WD's or anything effected by immediate stoppage. I was prescribed 30mg every 3 hours (240mg per day) for 6 months. I dropped down to zero within 2 weeks and barely dealt with any WD. Maybe a lack of motivation, but i was still prettyy fucked up from the accident.

I think its all in your head. Maybe what you really need is a 1-2gram dose of shrooms.

I've never been in the right frame of mind for more than 2.5mg or 1 hit of acid. I'm a lightweight when it comes to psychedelics. At some point I always start to feel uncomfortable.

 

[FunctionalJnkieGrl]

I can testify that the last little bit is hard. cPTSD is a beast. get down to 5mg oxy and seek an ibogaine provider that is good.

The closest Ibogaine provider would be in Mexico. It's a bit out of my way, unfortunately. I've heard promising stories about it though.

 

[cdin]

The closest Ibogaine provider would be in Mexico. It's a bit out of my way, unfortunately. I've heard promising stories about it though.

I have experienced full remission of cPTSD with traumatic brain injury from TMS during benzo withdrawal, symptoms from 3 450mg ibogaine hcl treatments over a week and a half. it's a much safer protocol than a flood dose, and you can ease into it.
it was immediately relieving,

 

[Ds]

The kratom was just too expensive and ordering it online just seems like it would be a pain in the ass to keep up with. I switched back to rationing low mg oxy because its surprisingly cheaper that way and I have other financial burdens that need to be dealt with ASAP. Seeing that I only need 2.5mg a night to avoid withdrawals, I'll attempt to quit again at the end of summer (but without the help of kratom if I can avoid it). On top of everything else, I might need to get a couple of fillings. I went my whole life without having dental issues aside from getting braces and my wisdom teeth pulled (which led to my addiction to pain meds 15yrs ago), and now that I tried to recover and my mental state was vulnerable, the timing couldn't have been worse. Funny, an ex-coworker was telling me she has to get most of her teeth pulled (despite the fact that they looked okay). She told me that she never had issues with her teeth until she quit meth. I guess drugs can preserve some health issues or make them go dormant until drug use is stopped. It just sucks that I gotta back to work to pay for dental work. The fact that we're moving in a month to top things off makes my situation more stressful as well. I suppose it was almost inevitable that I would relapse around this time. Funny how things work out. Oh well. Better luck next time. Maybe my life won't be so disorganized by the end of summer.

Hey there. It's what we do. We aren't perfect. We might fall off the bandwagon, and you are so brave and honest for coming clean from it and trying it again.
I recall having 1 pupil larger than the other coming off benzos and was in the hospital for awhile. That shit sucked because I liked to get high, and nearly stroked the fuck out.
Time after time after time, I'd get on drugs, and my thing this last time was IV fentanyl and alcohol and I remember how fucked it was reusing cottons, again and again thinking there was still shit there. Then go lay in the tub(dry) shake and cry. Like seriously had I really got that bad AGAIN? yup. I picked that phone up and called a friend whom picked me up. (Oh btw i was up for a week in psychosis driving my car to my parents so they could watch my dog). Talk about hearing shit and seeing shit driving , It wasn't luck I made it.
Long story short, I checked myself into detox, out of my gd mind. Turtle suit again . Seeing the doctor, not sure if you know those stories, but had a moment of clarity there. Like I was wanting to die.

Now for today, my sobriety date is 1-21-23. Not super long but the program that I'm in now is great because for once I'm working the 12 steps as a junky drug addict alcoholic. I'm finally treating this as an illness where I would just meh il do it on my own.
I cannot do this alone, and that's the great thing about Bluelight is you never have to be alone nor worry about being judged because lord knows we've judged our damn selves long enough.

Just be happy you made it back, you seem smart as hell, and its true that sometimes relapse is part of recovery. You just added on your story. Just think of the other women you might be able to help someday .

 

[Heroes Inc.]

get yerself some naltrexone and start pruning those receptors with ULTRA low dose naltrexone - it makes the come off much smoother/the medication work better. I take 25mcg of NALT w any dose of opioids. I was off entirely - now i have a some chronic pain and mental stability issues so im using tiny little doses. Black seed oil is also helpful in this process.

Funny you mention LDN.. I am just about to start a thread and am really hoping you can chime in! it will be under health and recovery.

 

[cdin]

Funny you mention LDN.. I am just about to start a thread and am really hoping you can chime in! it will be under health and recovery.

low dose is different from ultra low dose. low dose is several milligrams - what i am talking about is 25-50micrograms.

 

[cdin]

Black seed oil integral as well, ime