IV meth is my favorite. Honestly though, being addicted to it... it pays to be a masochist. It's a cruel mistress. The first few days it's great... then the crash that follows is legendary.
I'm glad you flushed your shit and glad you're going to try to quit meth. Honestly, I understand the struggle.... I know what you mean exactly when you say , "I feel like I have this issue where Im constantly hungry and I always have food, but no matter much I eat or how fast, I'm never satisfied. Its not living, not at all." I am in the same boat. Its a painful life... but I can say without hesitation that meth only made it 10x worse. Being a tweaker long term was never something I could imagine doing. The fear of my heart exploding, the neglect to family and friends... the recklessness... the impulsiveness.. the utter destructive nature I take on while tweaking.. were all so profound in a period of 3 months of tweaking.. I racked up 2k in credit card debt, lost a majority of my friends... blah blah blah you know the story. So I got sober but now it's like Wtf! Where do I go from here? I'm always hungry.. and the weight you lose from meth is gained back in no time because once you quit your body goes into hunger overdrive.. but for me the hunger overdrive doesn't seem to fuck off. I'm always hungry. So I constantly fight the urge to eat because I want to be thin. But my overall appearance.. I dunno.. I love how meth made me look. Thin, sickly, pale, etc. Love it xD probably not good to love it... but yeah. So the pull is there. Knowing I could just do some shit and be thin... happy etc. Problem is that it doesn't last for me. The crash + the damage I accumulate from my poor decisions while on meth are monumental.
When it comes to coke.. honestly... dysphoria is kinda all I get from it now. I snort a line... or do a shot.. feel slightly more jittery and edgy for 20 mins or so... then feel like utter shit and wanna off myself for the next few hours. Fuck all dat. ._.
I think I'll always miss meth. But honestly, I just try to remind myself how much better I feel not crashing. Plus since my heart issues.. whenever I do meth now my chest hurts... and my arms get tingly and such... which then scares the shit out of me.. so I end up feeling awesome for about an hour or so.. then feeling like crap for like 4 days... 1 day of which I spend worrying if I'm gonna have a heart attack or not lol. No fun.