So I had two years clean and sober from 2019 to 2021 in 12 step meetings. I relapsed after my dad died. The past two years since I relapsed have been rough. I ended up in rehab 6 times, two psych ward visits, jail for 8 months, my family isn't talking to me, I haven't spoke to even my mom in 9 months, I lost 3 jobs, ended up homeless, I overdosed on Fentanyl, I lost a lot of materialistic things from selling them for drugs. I'm in a long term rehab right now and if I don't complete the program I will have to go to prison for 2 to 4 years.
Hey... I don't know you, but I can identify with a lot of the problems you're facing. That shit sucks and there's no getting over things like addiction and incarceration and mental illness and loss and grief. It all leaves scars, but you can move on, learn, grow, rebuild, and do better for yourself. I just came home from a seven year prison sentence in March, and shit has been fuckin' rough, bro... I got out to a transitional housing program, not particularly something I wanted to do but I did. Went to work and things were going well, but I got comfortable and had the grand daddy of all relapses, ended up in the psych ward (again) where I found out I had blood clots in both my legs (again). I stayed in the mental hospital for nine days, lost my thousand dollar a week job, lost my living arrangements and had to move across the state to live with my mom and grandmother, two retired elderly women.
It took me almost a month of rest and healing before I could work again, but after my convalescence - which you can bet I spent an (un)healthy portion of kicking my own ass - I dusted myself off and picked back up where I left off on my path of rebuilding after prison. Shit's a long fucking way from perfect, but it's getting better and I know that it will continue to as long as I continue to put forth the effort and take the steps, however small or slow they may seem, to MAKE it better. I'm working a full time and a part time job now, going to the suboxone clinic every day, getting counseling and have recently been able to get health insurance as well.
Life's still hard as fuck and bitter as hell sometimes, but it's infinitely better than it was when I was delirious and emaciated and freezing on the side of a mountain, stirring a needle around beneath my skin for 3 hours. It's better than that.
I guess the best I can tell you is that it DOES get better if you make it better, YOU CAN DO IT, and ignore the voice that's telling you it doesn't or that is not worth it or that you can't, because it's a motherfucking liar and it's never going to shut up.
