• LAVA Moderator: Mysterier

what have you learned about yourself today?

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kel- i dunno.. i just know the longer i'm off it i feel myself sinking back into a hole... but i don't want to be dependant on a chemical for the rest of my life.
 
i've learned that i have turned into the very person i despise more than anyone on this earth. after years of trying to get away from anything that might be associated with her, i have now become her and deep down that kills me... oh well
 
^^^ If you became the person you are now, that's proof that you've changed before, and now you have to use those skills to become a person that you want to be and respect. Everyone has to compromise on things throughout their life, being part of a society means that some of your beliefs and goals will require a struggle. And sometimes we reach that point of self-loathing because decisions we've made with the best intentions turn out skewed; that's the risk we take every time a choice is made. Unfortunately several of those can happen at once and the landslide is overwhelming.

There is nothing in this world that is worth you going through life without self-respect. If you have to make compromises, make them, but not if it means the sacrifice of your own well-being, honey. All kinds of love are important, but self-love is the one that you shouldn't go without for long because asbolutely everything you do is affected by it. What happens now affects where you'll be in the future, and if you make decisions while you're miserable they could leave you a bigger mess to clean up someday soon. Decide to love yourself despite what has (or hasn't) happened, any way you can. That will give you the strength, motivation, and ability you need to set your world to rights again. Best of luck to you, Cure/Disease. (And btw, your name has a question mark, but it struck me that it doesn't have to be a choice. Most cures are potential diseases. The ability to heal an ailment, applied to something else, could cause all the wrong things to happen. It all boils down to which way you apply it, and THAT is an important choice.
 
That this too shall pass... the best thing to do is to bite my tounge as much as is possible for me and weather the storm, the more fuss you make, the harder it will be for yourself.


(also, after looking at pictures from a year ago, I should definitely keep my hair as long as possible at all times)
 
All the bad things.That someone snatched my blinders off and I see life now as a cynic and a mysoginist.I've got narrsisistic Personality disorder.That I'm bored,tired and disgusted by people in general.Shrinks tried to help me.I'm one of the 30 percent that meds like SSRI's don't work on.

I look around and see that as I strive to improve all aspects of my life.Others don't make the effort,letting themselves go mentally and physically(something that makes me derisive).Trapped in a little menial world of bigots,hypocrits,ugliness and disdain.

Not the best things to learn but the truth hurts.
 
Killing the cokehead I work with is really only a quick fix. It's much more rewarding (even though it's harder) to just ride it out watch him dig himself into his hole nobody can get him out. Not of the sake of watching someone suffer, but to learn where he whent wrong and to help correct myself from making the same mistakes.
 
I think i have realized...yet again...that i have alot of trouble letting go of the past, and these horrible feelings come back and consume me, ruining every possible good thing in my life...
 
^^ I second that.

Today I realized I am completely and hopelessly still in love with an ex that I rarely even have contact with anymore. It's horrible I haven't missed someone like this in years since my engagement was broken off. Until lately I thought I had complete control over my feelings and I wouldn't let a guy get to me.

Unfortunatly I am not as strong as I thought I was. I cannot get him out of my brain. The worst part is he has moved on and is happy, I am happy for him. I put off these feelings for the past year and now that he's happy they finally decide to kick in. It's awful and I don't know what to do to get some closure on this.

To this special person... I really miss you :(
Bleh, love is such a pain in the butt today!

~LP
 
It is one thing to be opposed to the war in iraq... its another to argue about it with someone who was actually over there fighting it firsthand....

keep your words short and sweet, for you never know when you will have to eat them
 
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