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Random What was the hardest thing you've been through and how did you get through it?

As depressing as it is to say, probably my late childhood and early teens.

I don't remember a lot of it, but I honestly think that was probably the single hardest period of my life.

Between abuse, loss, and struggling with trauma symptoms at a very young age, not that I realized at the time that that's what I was experiencing, and wouldn't till I was older, I think all in all that was the hardest period of time in my life.

Worse even than when I ended up a homeless junkie begging and prostituting myself, at least then I had heroin to help cope with it.

Worse than the grief I've suffered this last week and a half.

Yeah, as patchy as my memory of back then is, I still think that was the single hardest time I've experienced in my life. Overall.
 
My best friend Dan dying, nearly 4 years ago.
It shattered my heart in to a million pieces and completely destroyed my whole world.
I lost my job because I was so completely overcome with grief that I couldn't function.
I spent 6 months straight basically in bed drinking non-stop because I just could not face the reality that he was really gone.
It took a good 2.5 years before I was truly accepting of the fact that he was gone and that I could move forward in my life without him physically here.
 
In my experience, time is the only thing that ultimately gets you through it in the end.

Only way out is through.
 
Drug addiction.. When or if I get through it I will let you know got kicked off my methadone for missing three days didn't realise how good I had it until it got stopped😒
 
Ganjcat said:
Drug addiction.. When or if I get through it I will let you know got kicked off my methadone for missing three days didn't realise how good I had it until it got stopped😒
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They really are cunts. I've had that happen to me. But surely you can get an emergency appointment with your drug doctor to get you back on the meth? Or have things got more difficult since Covid?
 
Ganjcat said:
Drug addiction.. When or if I get through it I will let you know got kicked off my methadone for missing three days didn't realise how good I had it until it got stopped😒
Click to expand...

Where do you live again? Everywhere I've lived, they won't kick you off the program for missing 3 days. They'll just make you see the doctor again and explain what happened and your use and then give you a half dose (or your starting dose, whichever is more).
 
Having my mother kick me out on my 18th birthday, while pregnant, because I had went to see my ex without telling her. She hated him since he was an addict and had introduced me to drugs. I didn’t use when I saw him, just talked, I had been clean 8 months by then. I left my house with a backpack of clothes and walked around for hours alone. I relapsed that night. Being in an emotionally and physically abusive relationship 5 years later, I couldn’t get a job, drive alone and wearing certain clothes would get me choked out. I started smoking crack in a desperate attempt at escape. Ex found out and since he paid for my daily methadone he said he wasn’t anymore and forced me to stay in a motel room for a week to cold turkey off of it. I had no family, friends, anyone since i was in a state 1,000 miles away from where i grew up. I thought about suicide almost daily until i finally clawed my way out of the mental fog and fought back. Started calling the cops every chance i got and the last time he tried to hurt me i told him he had better kill me because if he didn’t i was going to kill him.
Edited to add he raped me once and sodomized me once. Death isn’t enough for some people in this world.
 
The hardest thing I have been through was my dad getting ALS, and watching him slowly, so slowly, become completely paralyzed and at the end stages, unable to even talk. The person I admired the most, he started out giving US strength, because he was still mobile, just had to be careful, couldn't raise his arms much, etc. But he still drove even. He kept telling us how this was an opportunity for him to make the most of the rest of his life and give back. It was not bad for 3 years, but at about 3 years in, he started needing the motorized Stephen Hawking style chair. He couldn't do anything himself, he had to constantly ask my mom (his wife, caretaking for him) to adjust his glasses, scratch an itch, adjust him in the seat, have to take a shit and have her hoist him up and collect it in a bag, and meanwhile, she starts getting caretaker syndrome, it[s so hard for her to see the love of her life, her best friend, crumbling. And my dad, you have to understand, was a guy who always wanted to be doing things for other people. He didn't like people focusing on him. He liked to make things easier for people. But he couldn't, and he began to feel trapped in his body. He told me he feels like a ghost who already died but is being kept alive. He told me straight up, my life is hell, every moment is hell, I am starting to wonder i9f hell is real and I died and am in it. I HATE THIS. He started to want to die so bad. And I don't think he was able t0 really connect and communicate that to anyone else, because (I live far away so I only saw him every few months. And when I saw him I spent as much time with him as I could. My mom was resenting h9m so bad, and that fucked her up, she didn't want to resent him but it was 7 years of having to take care of every little th9ing all the time, while my dad's personality crumbled into a kind of sad, pathetic creature, a shell of his former self. It is impossible to describe how painful it was. My dad worked his whole life to help others, at his wake I found out SO much more from all these people who he said mentored them, or changed their lives with an opportunity, and so on. He gave his whole life to others and his family, and he and my mom were so close, loving, best friends, and they had all these plans since he had just retired, to travel, so all the stuff for themselves they wanted to do. And ALS stole it from them, and even MUCH, much worse, mutated their relationship into something painful and horrible, and they both knew it. Oh god I have to stop writing about it, it was the saddest thing I've ever experienced.

Finally one day when I wasn't there, my mom got up to get something and he was dead when she came back. It was a relief because I knew he wanted to die. The funeral was beautiful. But how to deal with it? I relapsed a few times, kinda went nuts, covid hit, so that didn't help. I've tried to talk about it, let myself feel. It comes in bits and pieces still. I just keep trying to soldier on in life. I have a ton of strong, mixed emotions inside, and the best thing to do is try to let myself feel them. I have some guilt... could I have done more? Could I have been the mediator for the situation with my mom and dad? I'll never know.

Overall I'm alright but I have things I love to do to focus on, so that's what I do, I focus on work, playing music (mostly playing music in my band), my friends, etc. The sadness and weird tangle of emotions will probably never leave me, but it hurts less with time.
 
JessFR said:
Where do you live again? Everywhere I've lived, they won't kick you off the program for missing 3 days. They'll just make you see the doctor again and explain what happened and your use and then give you a half dose (or your starting dose, whichever is more).
Click to expand...
England
 
Ganjcat said:
England
Click to expand...
they don't give a shit as long as they have their asses covered but I'm going down their first thing on Monday and telling them "I'm not leaving until I get my script" I'm literally not gonna move from the front desk or let them deal with anyone else until they deal with me that's how you gotta deal with these cockheads show them your not afraid to be direct
 
F.U.B.A.R. said:
They really are cunts. I've had that happen to me. But surely you can get an emergency appointment with your drug doctor to get you back on the meth? Or have things got more difficult since Covid?
Click to expand...
yeah they said it I needed it desperately before it gets sorted (was supposed to be sorted last Wednesday) I can call 111 and go to hospital luckily I got some links I can turn to in these times my tolerance hasn't dropped though they said be careful because it would be lower but it anything it's higher nothing insane I still know I'm gonna get that subtle but serene forcefeild of calm and shit down my body
 
Blueberry_87 said:
Having my mother kick me out on my 18th birthday, while pregnant, because I had went to see my ex without telling her. She hated him since he was an addict and had introduced me to drugs. I didn’t use when I saw him, just talked, I had been clean 8 months by then. I left my house with a backpack of clothes and walked around for hours alone. I relapsed that night. Being in an emotionally and physically abusive relationship 5 years later, I couldn’t get a job, drive alone and wearing certain clothes would get me choked out. I started smoking crack in a desperate attempt at escape. Ex found out and since he paid for my daily methadone he said he wasn’t anymore and forced me to stay in a motel room for a week to cold turkey off of it. I had no family, friends, anyone since i was in a state 1,000 miles away from where i grew up. I thought about suicide almost daily until i finally clawed my way out of the mental fog and fought back. Started calling the cops every chance i got and the last time he tried to hurt me i told him he had better kill me because if he didn’t i was going to kill him.
Edited to add he raped me once and sodomized me once. Death isn’t enough for some people in this world.
Click to expand...
take it from me parents biological or not can over react and be dicks when it comes to this it comes from a good place but that's the last thing you wanna here in that situation that ain't right though if you don't mind me saying unless theirs something more to the story your not saying your mum kinda went a bit to far if you was pregnant that's fucked up
 
fubar I just read your post, sometimes in life theirs times where i don't know what to say or just gobsmacked all I can say is you have my deepest sympathies and respect fubar I'm not a parent myself so I'm not gonna say anything else sorry mate..
 
Ganjcat said:
fubar I just read your post, sometimes in life theirs times where i don't know what to say or just gobsmacked all I can say is you have my deepest sympathies and respect fubar I'm not a parent myself so I'm not gonna say anything else sorry mate..
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Thanks Ganjcat, but all I can say is I expect nothing from life except shit. I smoke, drink, take drugs and attempt to have a sense of humour. That's all that keeps me going... :\
 
Lots of tough experiences but... Being locked up in a mental institution cause I developed stimulant-induced psychosis at age 20. I was restraint in bed, in a room that had bars on its windows. I was tied with some artificial gum/cotton-like rope. I wasn't aggressive at any point in fact I was in a "happy delusional mania" and wouldn't even be locked up if I didn't agree to it (I was not dangerous to others or to myself, just happily delusional). I was tied up because I politely refused pills that they wanted me to take. As I didn't like to be tied up I was constantly untieing myself and that lead to hospital security tying me up forcefully and banging me about. I have been injected with an entire arsenal of 1st an 2nd generation antipsychotics, but I was apparently so manic that if I even slept it was for an hour or two. I got a "roommate" who was aggressive but not tied and he almost choked me to death. In that instance, security did help me as they saved my life and the other guy was taken somewhere else. My parents weren't allowed to enter the room and I heard my father cry when a doctor told him (they were speaking in front of the doors) "Your son is gone, I am really sorry but he has schizophrenia and there is a large chance that he will have to be institutionalized for the rest of his life.". Although my father was the one who called the ambulance to convince me to admit myself into a mental institution that was a moment when I knew it is game over and that I have to play by their rules. That was already a month into being locked up. I started to comply with every drug they gave me and "admitted" that I have schizophrenia. It was another 2 months before I was released from a mental institution. The list of drugs to take was very long and included depo of first-gen antipsychotic fluphenazine, additional daily tablets of fluphenazine, olanzapine, carbamazepine, biperiden, diazepam and midazolam. So there I was, 20 years old, threatened by my parents that I will immediately be taken back to the hospital if I don't take every single medication or leave the house without somebody from the family who can look after me. I went into a very dark place and a depression that I previously couldn't even fathom existed. My family talked about me as I was gone even though I was sitting in the room. I couldn't move cause of the extrapyramidal side effects of antipsychotics and was literally drulling. I was erased and kept locked up and drugged up under threat. Benevolent threat... But I obviously wanted to live as I was coming back online with each reduction of meds. I played a role and after two years medications were all discontinued, except diazepam and midazolam. I remember how happy I was when I got out of my leading psychiatrist's office and looked into the paper that said "therapy NIHIL - diazepam and midazolam per need". But I was still officially schizophrenic (F20), couldn't get a driver's license, was unemployed and the future seemed bleak. Fortunately, I knew that I wasn't schizophrenic and that I had acute amphetamine-induced psychosis. 10 years later I went to a different psychiatrist as I needed the script for diazepam and midazolam. This doctor worked in one of the largest psychiatric hospitals in my country. It was odd to him that I didn't relapsed even though I haven't taken any antipsychotics for years. Further, he found out that I was never properly evaluated in the first place. So I had psychological testing with 5 members of that hospital (2 psychologists, 1 psychiatrist and 2 young psychiatrists that were doing their internship). After testing me properly this psychiatrist was shocked as testing showed that "I don't even have a predisposition to psychotic outbursts". As long as I don't take amphetamines and sleep I was fine. Who would guess that not sleeping for 4-5 days in a row and taking amphetamine sulfate, mdma and cocaine could put me into a state of psychosis? The diagnosis F20 was removed and even the doctor who diagnosed me with it confirmed that he was wrong. Later, other addiction specialist psychiatrists also confirmed that I was wrongly diagnosed. To shorten it, I recovered, got a job, got married, bought an apartment, had a child and never again had psychosis. Even though I pushed my luck as I was again using amphetamines for a year pretty regularly and was binging without sleep up to 3 nights. But I knew that territory and nor the shadow people or my thoughts were able to push me over the edge. After all this, I am prescribed methylphenidate for ADHD. Talk about irony... But yeah, it was a pretty hard experience that took me a decade to rectify. I will finish with a piece that I wrote about this experience way back then (after I got off meds).

Have you ever been locked up, tied down, and chemically castrated?
Beaten day after day, just for speaking the truth? Just for that arrested?
By everybody erased, even by owns mom and dad heavily molested?
Six long years kept on a leash, threatened if you ever protested?
Had the courage to do so, not to deny the Truth because of the abusing?
I have, brothers and sisters, and the scars of that battle are still in me,
Slowly but surely - healing...
 
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