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Mental Health Coming off Invega/Xeplion (paliperidone) injections v 8.0

Clopixol shut down my thoughts and my imagination. It's hard to imagine things in my head now.
Even my dreams, I hardly see anything.
 
It’s depressing how much life has changed because of this evil drug. I’m riddled with anxiety now and can’t do anything about it. Before all this nothing would phase me. I‘d seen and heard about heaps of bad stuff over the years and could always get on with life.

My only hope is that it’s the Invega still in my system causing my brain to be in an altered state. Normally I would just be looking for something fun or interesting to do. I tried to watch Futurama but it wasn’t entertaining enough. I keep trying to search for answers to this and life and am getting nowhere.

I wasn’t particularly religious before all this but losing my faith on top of everything else is just too much to process at the moment. I would like to smoke again to chill out but it’ll probably send me into another psychotic episode and I’ll end up back at square one again.
 
Hello, this is my story so far. I've been taking injections since May 2021, first Xeplion for 5 injections, 2 loading doses and 3 more. It was a total hell. After switching to Abilify 400mg plus 10mg pill for 15 days, it took me a few months to improve and regain some of my sexual function, acatisia, and a bit of concentration over the passing months. Then I continued to suffer until June 2022 when my dosage was lowered to 300mg (Abilify). After 2-3 months, I noticed a bit more improvement, more enjoyment, feeling more relaxed, having more ideas, and improvement in speech. Despite these improvements, I still suffered quite a lot until early June 2023 when it was lowered to 200mg. It took me a few months to notice improvement, and I started feeling much better compared to the previous year. I saw a lot of improvement in concentration, speech, greater enjoyment while watching football and UFC matches, as well as feeling more relaxed and having better sleep. Time began to pass by faster. I joined the gym to go a few days a week and started reading some books that entertained and helped me. I stayed at 200mg until October when it was lowered to 150mg, and in 2024, I've noticed more improvements. Currently, I feel about 80% better. I can do many more things, and I have good and bad days like everyone else, but the bad days are nothing like they were a year or two ago. I'm also spacing out the doses instead of every 28 days; now it's every 36 days, and the next one will be about 45 days apart, until I take one last dose and stop completely. I don't take anything else anymore, not even sleeping pills. You have to trust in recovery; I still have a way to go, but I see it getting closer, and I believe it's possible to reach 100%. Keep hope alive.
 
Another thing I'll add is that I've experienced almost all the side effects: emotional numbness, akathisia, sexual dysfunction, anhedonia, etc. I was like a living dead, feeling nothing. Now, the remaining 20% is a bit more emotion, as I still feel a bit flat despite the significant improvement.
 
Recovery is not a linear thing with this, I’m even more suicidal than I was a month ago. Every recovery story I’ve heard mentioned they had a blank mind/no thoughts. Why did I lose everything except my ability to think? I’ve lost all hope now from overthinking things.
 
I am right now
DrZaius1 said:
Recovery is not a linear thing with this, I’m even more suicidal than I was a month ago. Every recovery story I’ve heard mentioned they had a blank mind/no thoughts. Why did I lose everything except my ability to think? I’ve lost all hope now from overthinking things.
Click to expand...
can you watch a movie what is the expereance like
 
If I had a gun I’m 99% sure I’d kill myself. Life was literally never this boring before. It used to feel like it was something you progressed at. Now it feels like I’ve gone back in time and can’t move forward.

The two main things I’d do was Netflix and Video games. I can’t follow along with shows anymore because my mind is dwelling on how bad my life is now. Games are just dead now especially Fortnite.

Valorant is still ok but my mind is slowed down I can’t react to what’s happening. It used to be the most fun I’d have all day. I was going to try study something but my attention span is just not there anymore. I get impatient very quickly now.

I think I’m going to try drugs again, Psilocybin sounds promising but idk where to get it from. Weed is probably too dangerous because of the voices and hallucinations that put me in the psych ward in the first place. If they had have just discharged me without force injecting me with poison I would have probably been ok.
 
Getting put on a stimulant Tuesday. I believe it speeds recovery from these horrible drugs if used correctly..
 
DrZaius1 said:
If I had a gun I’m 99% sure I’d kill myself. Life was literally never this boring before. It used to feel like it was something you progressed at. Now it feels like I’ve gone back in time and can’t move forward.

The two main things I’d do was Netflix and Video games. I can’t follow along with shows anymore because my mind is dwelling on how bad my life is now. Games are just dead now especially Fortnite.

Valorant is still ok but my mind is slowed down I can’t react to what’s happening. It used to be the most fun I’d have all day. I was going to try study something but my attention span is just not there anymore. I get impatient very quickly now.

I think I’m going to try drugs again, Psilocybin sounds promising but idk where to get it from. Weed is probably too dangerous because of the voices and hallucinations that put me in the psych ward in the first place. If they had have just discharged me without force injecting me with poison I would have probably been ok.
Click to expand...
Hey bud it will get better I promise. Please hold on be healthy. You will notice major changes randomly. I noticed pretty decent improvements then out of nowhere one day I woke up and it was like everything was gone in a since. I felt “normal”

Almost committed suicide 10+ times because of invega
 
DrZaius1 said:
Weed is probably too dangerous because of the voices and hallucinations that put me in the psych ward in the first place. If they had have just discharged me without force injecting me with poison
Click to expand...
I quite agree with this! Was true in my case. I did recover from it though. Took a lot of hard work. It's never a linear thing, recovery, and I'm still working on it daily, but it's definitely possible. :alien:
 
I’ve realized I’m going through an existential crisis, something which was caused indirectly by Invega. Because I couldn’t do anything for so long my mind thought too much about life and why we‘re here on earth. Before all this I believed in God and now I don’t.

I can’t find any answers to these questions which is frustrating me. Also the fact that life is completely random. I used to think some things happened for a reason or were meant to be. Maybe they still do, I’m not sure.

The Anxiety is causing major problems, I read somewhere that it’s caused by feelings of powerlessness. No surprise there as I was hauled in to the psych ward 3 times by Police, then injected 3 times against my will.
 
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